Trends. Of course. It's Spring!

I am not a particularly trendy person. Heaven knows. But every once in a while I get the urge to redecorate myself. Hair, makeup, color palette in the old closet. I went for a peek at the Spring forcast and found. . . (drum roll please). . .

Jumpsuits! Yes, those wacky garments that make you have to qualify for the bathroom olympics are back They say the "head to toe monochrome look" will "make you look taller." Personally, I think they just make you look like you're in prison or clinically depressed. . . or both. My bad. It says here (my fashion mag) that metallics are going to be big for the jumpsuit look. Which just means we'll have to take a can opener with us to the ladies' room.

Purple lip color. But not just one shade of purple. . . there are hundreds of shades: wild plum, eggplant, loosestrife (!), purple-dove, mad violet, mauve melt, plum brulee, black orchid, pink lilac, venetian rose, rosewood, seared raspberry and my favorite, lick-me-lilac. Did I mention I look cadaverous in purple and that wearing lilac makes perfect strangers pause and offer to donate blood in my name. I probably won't be hitting this fashion trend. . . no matter how cute or alluring the lipstic color names are. But if you're a person who can wear some exotic blend of red and blue. . . this is your year, baby!

Sheers. I am taking this not to mean the see-through drapes that used to be de rigeur on well-dressed windows in fashionable homes. When I looked up a few pics of the clothes involved, I thought I had staggered into a time portal. I thought we had driven a stake through the heart of the sheer/naked blouse years back. Apparently these translucent-to-transparent monstrosities that show the safety pins in your bra, your moles, and your back cleavage have the lives of a cat. Or a vampire. They're back. In both sweeping, scarf-like models and ruffly demure versions. Did any of you wear these in their earlier incarnation? do you know anybody over 15 who did? I have to think this is the ultimate we're-down-to-the-last-idea-in-the-barrell option. "Well, we could always bring back the see-through blouse. Bwahahahahahaha." (Evil laughter echoes throughout the sewers of Paris. And maybe under the Opera House.)

Fruity colors. Papaya, Jamacian Sunset, Pineapple Crash ,Tropical Lime, Banana Creamie, Pomegranate, Pistachio, and Passionfruit. . . as well as Palace Blue. Imagine wearing such things to the office. . . as well as on the beach. . . to backyard barbeques. You know, this is one trend I might be able to get behind. I have too much of a tendency to buy neutrals and dark colors and autumny hues. I could stand to brighten up a bit. A papaya shirt or two. . . as long as it isn't transparent. . .

Here is a smorgasboard of "honorable mentions" that may set your teeth on edge or make you giggle. . . depending on your orientation.

short bandage dress

grecian goddess sportswear (?)

cut out booties

exposed midriff

fringing

huge and massive earrings

knee high gladiator platforms

oops shorts (???)

I'm not certain, but I think Stella McCartney seems to have imbedded a tequilla worm in the lucite heels of her spring pumps. Look 'em up and see it you can tell me what that thing is.

Okay, I think there are a few redeeming graces in the season's fashion fare. I fell madly in love with a pair of shoes meant to take us back to the "natural." See what you think. Too much?

Sigh. Now that's FASHION!

Oh, and before I forget, I want to invite you to my new web site. . . BetinaKrahn.com. I'd love to hear what you think of it. Be sure to drop me a line!

Meanwhile. . . what is your favorite fashion trend? something maybe that started out as a trend but became a staple part of your look or your wardrobe? Are you a trend setter or a trend follower? And am I the only person in North America who wishes the 80's legwarmers would come back? I loved those thing-- especially in winter!

Kathleen Takes On the Fashion Police

First, a word from my sponsor. Mystic Horseman comes out (officially March 4 or Feb 26, depending) as a paperback original right about now. It's the sequel to my last RITA finalist, Ride a Painted Pony, released in paperback in October. You wanted Dillon's story? You got it. Library Journal says of Mystic Horseman : "Poignant, heart-wrenching, heroic, and overflowing with hope, this well-written, family-centered romance takes a few unexpected turns and uses the author's knowledge of Lakota culture to full advantage." You can read a little excerpt on my web site.

Now, let's dish about the Red Carpet. Specifically, the "Fashion Police" and a term that twists my ear into a knot lately: age appropriate.

When I was a kid--back in the days of one TV per family--we had a couple of family viewing traditions (besides "The Wizard of Oz" at Easter and the parade of Christmas Specials): the Miss America Pageant and the Oscars, both of which allowed us to pick favorites and keep score. I remember well the year of "Dr. Zhivago." I thought Julie Christie was the prettiest woman in the world. Fast forward to this year's Oscars and the Fashion Police--it's a cable show, don't know what channel--on 2008 nominee Julie Christie. "Well, she's a legend. She's 1000 years old, and the dress is age appropriate, but it's a bad choice." Okay, I don't know what was with those funny sleeves or gloves or whatever, but I hope I look like this when I'm 1000 years old.

The Fashion Police judged Ruby Dee's choice to be "age appropriate and absolutely elegant." Elegant, absolutely. Stunning, chic, tasteful, classy.

We're also told that 15-year-old Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, is wearing an "age appropriate" outfit, and the Police love the earrings. I don't know. The neck dips pretty low front and back, and the garnet chandeliers seem a bit much for a 15-year-old. Then we're told that Laura Linney looks like a "school marm." The dress is too plain, the hair dowdy, the jewelry too simple. Huh? This is dowdy?Nicole Kidman's necklace--which took my breath away when she came out on stage--was deemed "way too much. Overdone." No way! She's tall. She walks like a goddess. The simple black dress set the diamonds off beautifully. She appeared to be draped in icicles. You ask me, the Police were jealous.
They gave Marion Cotillard thumbs down for her "fish" dress. I thought it was different and fun and looked like a work of art. Heck, she's French. She's gorgeous. The dress was a fantasy, and it made me smile.

So did Diablo Cody, the former stripper from the Twin Cities who wrote the screenplay for "Juno" and won herself an Oscar. The Fashion Police simply gave her a pass on the dress because she's "being herself." Read: former stripper? I gave her a thumbs up for individuality. (Incidentally, they said you get your stripper name from the name of your pet and the street you grew up on. My stripper name is Wilder Grandview. What's yours?)


How about the men? The police said Viggo looked like an undertaker. But if you saw "Eastern Promises" you know the suit was movie appropriate. I liked it. But I wish he'd lose the beard.

I agree with the cops on Daniel Day Lewis and his lady. Her dress looked silly. His tux was a dud. He wore a gold hoop in each ear. Who did he think he was? Jack Sparrow? Speaking of whom, Jack's alter-ego, Johnny Depp, looked cute. The nerd at the senior prom. He's always a character. And an individual.



The color of Kelly Preston's dress didn't please the Fashion Police, but I thought it was fine. It stood out among all the black and red frocks. But what's with my man John Travolta's helmet hair? He looked like one of the original Ken dolls with the flocked hair. Just ask the Barbie expert. (That would be me.)

Okay, here comes another bias on my part. Calista Flockhart looks healthier than she has in a while, but talk about age inappropriate. I love Harrison Ford, and I hate seeing him look foolish. This photo says it all. He looks like he's suffering through father-daughter weekend. The FP loved this dress on Calista. It looked like a dish rag.

Here are my picks for best of the best: Forest Whitaker and his wife for the classiest couple. Heidi Klum for fab dress on fab femme. (Anyone watching Project Runway? Who's going to win?) Heidi's dress was later auctioned off for charity.

So what did you think of the Red Carpet this year? Who was stylin'? Which dress did you covet? Which jewelry? Whose hair hit the mark and whose hairstylist needs a refresher course? You can view most of the stars in their finery at this Oscar fashion site.

I didn't opine on the Oscar winners here, but did you think anyone got robbed this year?

Kathleen Was Never Too Cool For the School

SUNDAY UPDATE: Today's Star Tribune says Fall '08 fashions include bright tights, which can be worn under fishnet stockings held up by garters under short shorts. Also hot pants (Now, where's that cute raspberry pink leather pair I wore in the early 70's?) and the leg warmers (80's) that were never suppsed to come back--although I loved them on my little girl. And circle skirts. Get ready to twirl!

We begin with a question: Which of today's styles will people be laughing about in forty years?

I'm asking because yesterday ended with a question that began with Grandma? (Actually, Nana.) Guess who they were looking at.

Yep, c'est moi, back in the black-and-white high school senior portrait days, complete with the ever-popular basic white shell. Believe me, the flip never stayed this flippy for long. Not even industrial hair spray is strong enough to hold this hair in this do. Quick, in the name of all that's cool and for the sake of posterity, take the picture before it all droops!

So my 3- and 5-year-old granddaughters are enamored of the movie Hairspray. I bought them the latest version on DVD, and they watch it all the time. (When their Auntie Elizabeth was about 10, she did the same with Grease, another Travolta musical. I keep meaning to rent it so the girls can see why I keep saying he.) Anyway, recently we were searching up and down the family section in Blockbuster when the 3-year-old spotted the 1988 Ricki Lake/Divine version, and she brought it to me. Somehow she knew it was another Hairspray. I told her I didn't think she'd like it as well, but she insisted. For the next week we were doing the Mashed Potatoes and the Continental, Hand Jivin' and Ponying to beat the band. We're practicing in front of the mirror just the way I did with my girlfriends way back when. And the 3-year-old loves to recite lines. They're playing school, and I hear, "Tracy Turnblad, if I have to write you up for inappropriate hair height one more time..."

We're watching the '88 version and somebody mentions pettipants. I haven't thought about pettipants in ages. I had some sort of like these. (This was before miniskirts came in, at which point we switched to "tap pants," cute little shortie pettipants.) So I explained these garments to the girls, along with the girdle and those thingies (what were they called?) that held up your stockings, and why stockings had to be held up. The other option was a garter belt, which we were able to lose mid-60's with the advent of pantyhose. I rarely complain about pantyhose.

Hairspray is pre-British invasion, which would be my junior high, high school freshman period. We wore the mohair sweater--I had a baby blue one like this, but it was cable knit, not popcorn. Goes well with the pettipants, n'est pas? (Yes, we loved to throw the French I phrases around back then.) I found lots of knitting sites in my search for blog photos. Knitting--which I haven't done since late 60's and 70's--is back, and so is mohair. (And so are my knitting needles.) But this sweater was labeled vintage. You'd wear it with your stirrup pants. These were really unflattering. You had no butt, and, yes, the crotch looked just the way it does here. But we thought they were cool. Cool meant good. (It still does, doesn't it?)

You could also wear your tassel necklace with this outfit. If you were wearing a pleated skirt with knee socks, you might affix a tassel pin to the side on one sock. And I'm seeing tassel jewelry again. I'm also seeing the spike heels and pointy toes of that period--a style we later thought would never come back to torture the female foot. But pointy toes bounced back with Beatle boots, which came in male and female styles. The Fab Four wore them before they were fab, before they were the Beatles, back when the style was called "Continental" and the Continentals were the non-Collegiate crowd. The short boots had "Cuban" heels. Long about '65, '66 we ditched our penny loafers for Go-Go boots, Beatles, and gillies. They're updated and back.

Tent dresses and capris are back. And bells, although not with quite as much flare. I remember people ripping out seams in the legs of their jeans and adding fabric from the knee down. We used to sew back then. I understand the poncho is still out, but I had a lovely plaid one with a hood. I didn't make it myself, but I could have. Can you see the size on this pattern? It says: Medium, 14-16. I wore a size 12 back then. And it never occurred to me that I was fat. (I wasn't, but nowadays it's the perception that counts more than the reality.) I understand that I probably would have worn a smaller number in the upscale department even then, but we weren't as brand conscious in the good ol' days. And we became less so as flower children.

What amazes me is how little clothing styles have changed in the last 50 years. I know some things are probably gone for good. (Who owns a petticoat or your basic full slip anymore?) But looking back 50 years from when I was a kid, man! Styles were so different. (We've come a long way, Baby!) And music. Daddy said it was a flash in the pan, but the heart of rock-n-roll is still beatin'. And that '67 Impala Michele mentioned yesterday is classic, but today's hotties don't mind driving classics. How many teens were driving Model A Fords (first produced in 1927) back in the 60's? Okay, maybe I'm just wallowing in nostalgia. But with all the technological changes we've seen in the last half century or so, I wonder why so much of our world still looks the same.

What was in style when you were a teenager? What did your favorite outfit look like? And what's cool today that people will be laughing at in 40 years?