Guest: Stephanie Tyler

Please welcome Stephanie to the passenger seat today!  (Well, we wouldn't let her drive and chat now, would we?)  

Thanks so much to Michele for the invite to guest blog – I’m honored because wow, the amount of talent in that header is pretty amazing.  I’m in great company.

Well, let’s see, tomorrow’s Thanksgiving for me – and it’s book release week for me as well – my debut single title (and the first in a back to back trilogy) Hard to Hold released on Tuesday and I’m pretty much bouncing off the walls about it.  (You can read an excerpt and more here on my site.) So the whole, giving thanks is pretty fitting.  And it got me thinking about the past eight years that I’ve been writing and how far I’ve come…and who’s helped me along that journey.

I remember Nora Roberts once said that she has the same friends now as when she started out writing – and I’m pretty happy to report I’m going in that same direction.  Of course, I’ve met some amazing new authors, but nothing beats those authors you came up the ranks with, the ones you helped pick up when they admitted rejection and the ones you cheered on when they got their call. 

The person in my life – writing or otherwise - who I could not live without (and I tell her this all the time, except I typically say, you can never leave me) is author Larissa Ione. 

We met online long before either of us were published.  And then we ended up getting published within 3 days of one another.  And then we sold a series that we co-write about three weeks later (Sydney Croft.) 

She is my go-to person about everything. We’re been through hurricane stuff, kid stuff, writing meltdowns and everything in between, so she’s more than a writing friend – simply put, she’s one of my best friends.

And when my life went haywire this month (right in time for, oh, I have a book to promote too?) she stepped in and went to town talking up my book.  She’s nervous and exited as if this is her own book, and in so many ways, it is, because I never would’ve come this far without her.

She’s an awesome writer and an awesome friend.  I know she helps a lot of authors out there, aspiring or otherwise and I know she deserves every bit of success she’s gotten – and will get in the future.

So, whether you’re celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow or not, who is the person in your life you’d like to thank and why?  

I’m giving away a set of Larissa’s 1^st 3 Demonica books to one very lucky reader who comments!

Stephanie

Exhaustion. . .

I just finished, as of today, a month of promotion for my most recent book, Make Me Yours, and I have to say, I'm exhausted. Can I get back to writing now? Please. Pretty pleeeeease.

I didn't go to RWA national this year; I had too much to do and-- I confess-- I thought I could use the $2,000 better elsewhere. Like most of America I'm making more careful money decisions these days, and trying to make the most of each promotional opportuniy and each promotional dollar. So I did a lot of on-line interviews, blogs, a couple of talks to groups, stock signings, and participated in Ask the Author sessions that lasted weeks. . . for RT and the Cherry Forum's Book Discussion. We did a couple of viral e-blasts, produced a pod cast for Harlequin, and I did a couple of print interviews-- that unfortunately won't show up until the book is officially off the shelves. It may not sound like a lot, but each event took days of planning and execution, appointment making, driving, meeting, dressing, speech-writing, e-mail or blog checking. . . my poor ms sat untouched for three weeks!!

I'm used to spreading promo out over three or four months prior to, during, and just after release. This "series" kind of promotion where everything is focused more closely around the release month is very intense and totally new to me. So, I'm mentally exhausted and trying to find the creative sparks to continue to write.

And of course, with every round of "meet the public" I find myself wondering why it's so important that we romance/women's fiction writers put ourselves out there with our books and make ourselves so accessible.

The short answer is: that's our industry. The romance genre has grown and developed differently than the other publishing venues. A lot of it has grown on the backs of relationships between readers and writers, between authors and un-published writers, and between industry professionals and writers-- both published and not-yet-published. There are good aspects to it -- the sales, the camaradie, the good energy, the feelings of community and belonging. . . and of course the opportunity to garner reader reaction.

As a writer, most of the time I feel like a comedian playing to an empty house. It's hard to gauge reaction without seeing and meeting our readers. And no matter how many reviews you get that say you've written a good book, there's nothing like seeing the delight or excitement in a reader's face to make your day. Week. Month. Year.

However, there is another side to such interactions. . . one that writers whisper or groan about at conferences-- usually behind locked hotel room doors, for fear of alienating someone, anyone.

The plain truth is: there are readers who are far from complimentary, gracious, or even sane. There are readers who assume a deeper intimacy with a writer than is healthy (MISERy anyone?) and begin to track and follow a writer. Stalking potential is one reason that most writers use PO boxes for mail and have more than one e-mail address.

There are those readers who, no matter how friendly or generous or well-intentioned a writer is, become disappointed or jealous or feel deprived of the attention they're due and go to extremes. . . posting scathing critiques of books on sales outlets, slandering authors to other writers and in writer groups, posting hateful comments on author web sites or blogs. It's the equivalent of throwing temper tantrums in public. . . "Look at me, look at me-- I hate you!" A few show enough style and wit to make their venom publicly palatable and bring out the ugly and atavistic in others. . . these are the ones who build a reputation for being "cool" or "bitchy". . . and spend a great deal of energy tearing down other writers for fun and attention. (I have only one name in mind as I write this, but if you think I'm talking about you, here, then I probably am.)

I am a working writer with stories to tell and a life to live. I have had a child nearly die, a beloved husband die, lost two in-laws and two parents. . . all within a space of ten years. Through it all I kept writing. I am not saying this to curry sympathy; I'm simply stating the facts of my life. A number of my writer friends (including ones on this blog!) have gone though similar and even worse trials during similar periods. . . and they continued to produce books and honor the expectations of their publishers and readers.

It isn't easy, writing, when the very heart has been ripped from you or when you're so exhausted you can't see straight from caregiving. And yet many writers do it again and again. Yes, there are writers who lead charmed lives and who never seem to have troubles-- at least very few. But over time, the ups and downs of life catch up with us all.

There are times when writers simply can't be sociable or generous or gracious. . . and don't feel like broadcasting the details of their lives in explanation or apology. Frankly, we don't owe readers that. They have no right to demand explanations or excuses from us for their expectations. And when they do demand it-- we have to draw the line and step back from it-- refuse to play blame games or be hurt by their inappropriate reactions.

What we do owe readers is the best damned read we can produce. We cannot be responsible for the mood they are in when they pick up our books.

Half of a great read is the stuff a reader brings to the story-- images from the reader's own world that she supplies to furnish and upholster the story. If a reader is angry, distraught, skeptical, or bitter when they pick up our books, they're going to find a less than satisfying story. No way to avoid it. Remember "willing suspension of disbelief"? If a reader is determined to keep one foot outside that suspension of disbelief, there is nothing we as writers can do about it. There hasn't been a book or story published, anywhere, ever, that can't be torn apart by a cold, analytical approach that refuses to suspend disbelief and welcome the writer's voice. Shakespeare included. You can always find something to criticize in a book.

If a reader is not in the mood to be entertained, she won't be. Count on it.

So, there's my rant. I had intended to mention that one woman from someplace who posted nasty things on my own web site and went from on-line store to on-line store posting virulent slams about how terrible my book was and what a fraud I was. But honestly, I've forgotten her name and most of the details. And I can't tell you how pleased I am to realize that. Her problem is. . . her problem.

In writing the best book I could write, I have honored my sole contract with my readers. I've tried to be friendly and accessible and to share my thinking and my process with those who are interested. I've tried to be welcoming and helpful and supportive of my fellow blogmates here and of our wonderful readers and contributors. But I'm not perfect. If someone feels a great need to point that out, for their own purposes, that's their problem. . . not mine.

And here's the proof: some of the biggest names in the business are infamous for being awful to their fans and wretched to their peers. Yet, they sell like mad. And some of the sweetest, warmest, most evolved and compassionate people you'll ever meet. . . sell pitfully few books.

It makes sense when you think about it. How many of the 100,000 people who buy a book can possibly have met and been influenced by the writer's warmth and personality?

It's really all about the books themeselves, folks.

And right now. . . I need a nap.

Got a reaction to my relatively civilized rant? Let's hear it! Feel free. . .

Feeling Rejected? Cait London Has a Recovery Plan

Good morning, all! Welcome Cait London, who'll be riding along with us today and drawing on a wealth of experience as she shares her recipes for "rejection therapy."

By way of intro (as if our friend needs one) Cait is the author of almost 70 romance novels in different subgenres. She enjoys writing, painting, and photography.



Her psychic triplet trilogy concludes with FOR HER EYES ONLY.
Previous books: AT THE EDGE and A STRANGER’S TOUCH. Do visit her web page and take a look at samples of her wonderful work in all three arts.

Now, Cait, with all your talent, are you going to tell us you've experienced a bit of rejection? (Forgive me for taking comfort in having some company!) Do tell, m'dear. Here's Cait...

A writer’s story is often rejected by an agent or publisher. Their wrongful dismissal of a writer’s blood-and-sweat creation occurs frequently and indiscriminately to all writers, of every level. My take on the healing process, as it applies to writer-rejection, is that it’s all about attitude. Anyone experiencing rejection, in any form, is welcome to use this therapy:

Attitude Adjustment, Take Mine: Chirpy people, bah humbug. They’re depressing. Canned phrases like “Look on the bright side” make me want to urp. “It wasn’t meant to happen” makes me want to make something really happen—to them. Consistently happy people grate on your nerves, don’t they? Don’t they just make you want to run for the hills and escape them?

Basic Fact: I’ve decided that Ever-Happy writers/people are actually not happy; they just don’t know how to wallow well in the depths of rejection-misery. They’re afraid to let go and reveal that they lack wallowing-in-rejection ability. Overall, as a group, writers have the edge on misery-wallowing.

Balancing Nature: A balance of Ups and Downs is essential. Accept that Downs actually enable the Ups. It follows then, that these eternally happy people are actually down, but don’t know it. Poor Things. They must be led into the darkness, so they can understand true happiness. As a career-writer for some years now, I have fine-tuned my Up-Down ability into a sport.

How to Wallow: I can wallow with the best. Here’s an example:

When I first began sending out novel proposals, I was a divorcee with 3 teens. (Note: To those following my blogs, you’re not going to get an evil War of the Roses story here.) As a result, I already had an edge on understanding failure of a project, which I put to good use when story rejections arrived. I handled rejections by lying on the couch, a crocheted afghan wrapped around me. I moaned periodically, turned and stared at the back of the couch. Then I’d drag the afghan back to bed, where I would lie and stare at the ceiling fan, the paddles still or rotating. Then I’d drag the afghan back to the couch and begin the process again.

As Others See You: It’s important to let others see your misery. A friend used to watch me. That was her sport. I think she was betting on just when I’d make the switch between couch and bed, timing the durations.

To Cope, Eat Well: After one rejection in which I was obviously, absolutely right and the editor was wrong, I ate an entire box of chocolates. I am not a chocolate lover, but I was really Down and the box I’d intended as a neighbor’s gift was handy. As a result, I was sick for days, and had quite the little bathroom condition, too. And I had to buy her another box of chocolates.

The Secret of Healing: As a beginning writer, I didn’t know how to wallow correctly. The secret to wallowing well is to buddy-wallow. This can done on the phone: you listen to another’s rejection story and they return the favor. By sharing each other’s rejection-misery, you can enrich and deepen it to its true black, bottomless hole. The secret also depends on balance. If your buddy is Up, while you are Down, or vice-versa, it’s impossible to wallow well. However, if you have leftover Down to spare, it is essential to share, to spread it evenly with everyone you know. Spare no one in your path.

Best Recommendation: An unsuccessful rejection-wallow means that misery will be extended for a time. It’s best to really dig in, wallow and get it all out.

Result: Then you can be a Chirpy-Happy person, too.

I welcome all challengers in the sport of rejection-wallowing. If you have experienced rejection of any kind, please share your healing technique.

Note: You can blog with Cate anytime you need more therapy. All the photographs you see here are Cait's.

Hey, Cait, congratulations on making the New York Times bestseller list! We'll want to get a copy of FOR HER EYES ONLY before Amazon runs out. (I'm enjoying mine right now!)