Feeling Rejected? Cait London Has a Recovery Plan

Good morning, all! Welcome Cait London, who'll be riding along with us today and drawing on a wealth of experience as she shares her recipes for "rejection therapy."

By way of intro (as if our friend needs one) Cait is the author of almost 70 romance novels in different subgenres. She enjoys writing, painting, and photography.



Her psychic triplet trilogy concludes with FOR HER EYES ONLY.
Previous books: AT THE EDGE and A STRANGER’S TOUCH. Do visit her web page and take a look at samples of her wonderful work in all three arts.

Now, Cait, with all your talent, are you going to tell us you've experienced a bit of rejection? (Forgive me for taking comfort in having some company!) Do tell, m'dear. Here's Cait...

A writer’s story is often rejected by an agent or publisher. Their wrongful dismissal of a writer’s blood-and-sweat creation occurs frequently and indiscriminately to all writers, of every level. My take on the healing process, as it applies to writer-rejection, is that it’s all about attitude. Anyone experiencing rejection, in any form, is welcome to use this therapy:

Attitude Adjustment, Take Mine: Chirpy people, bah humbug. They’re depressing. Canned phrases like “Look on the bright side” make me want to urp. “It wasn’t meant to happen” makes me want to make something really happen—to them. Consistently happy people grate on your nerves, don’t they? Don’t they just make you want to run for the hills and escape them?

Basic Fact: I’ve decided that Ever-Happy writers/people are actually not happy; they just don’t know how to wallow well in the depths of rejection-misery. They’re afraid to let go and reveal that they lack wallowing-in-rejection ability. Overall, as a group, writers have the edge on misery-wallowing.

Balancing Nature: A balance of Ups and Downs is essential. Accept that Downs actually enable the Ups. It follows then, that these eternally happy people are actually down, but don’t know it. Poor Things. They must be led into the darkness, so they can understand true happiness. As a career-writer for some years now, I have fine-tuned my Up-Down ability into a sport.

How to Wallow: I can wallow with the best. Here’s an example:

When I first began sending out novel proposals, I was a divorcee with 3 teens. (Note: To those following my blogs, you’re not going to get an evil War of the Roses story here.) As a result, I already had an edge on understanding failure of a project, which I put to good use when story rejections arrived. I handled rejections by lying on the couch, a crocheted afghan wrapped around me. I moaned periodically, turned and stared at the back of the couch. Then I’d drag the afghan back to bed, where I would lie and stare at the ceiling fan, the paddles still or rotating. Then I’d drag the afghan back to the couch and begin the process again.

As Others See You: It’s important to let others see your misery. A friend used to watch me. That was her sport. I think she was betting on just when I’d make the switch between couch and bed, timing the durations.

To Cope, Eat Well: After one rejection in which I was obviously, absolutely right and the editor was wrong, I ate an entire box of chocolates. I am not a chocolate lover, but I was really Down and the box I’d intended as a neighbor’s gift was handy. As a result, I was sick for days, and had quite the little bathroom condition, too. And I had to buy her another box of chocolates.

The Secret of Healing: As a beginning writer, I didn’t know how to wallow correctly. The secret to wallowing well is to buddy-wallow. This can done on the phone: you listen to another’s rejection story and they return the favor. By sharing each other’s rejection-misery, you can enrich and deepen it to its true black, bottomless hole. The secret also depends on balance. If your buddy is Up, while you are Down, or vice-versa, it’s impossible to wallow well. However, if you have leftover Down to spare, it is essential to share, to spread it evenly with everyone you know. Spare no one in your path.

Best Recommendation: An unsuccessful rejection-wallow means that misery will be extended for a time. It’s best to really dig in, wallow and get it all out.

Result: Then you can be a Chirpy-Happy person, too.

I welcome all challengers in the sport of rejection-wallowing. If you have experienced rejection of any kind, please share your healing technique.

Note: You can blog with Cate anytime you need more therapy. All the photographs you see here are Cait's.

Hey, Cait, congratulations on making the New York Times bestseller list! We'll want to get a copy of FOR HER EYES ONLY before Amazon runs out. (I'm enjoying mine right now!)

Debra- The Art of Rejection

None of us like rejection. One of my favorites was the time my editor rejected something because it just wasn't Debra Dixon enough.

That's enough to make you go bang your head into a wall.

Another head-banger is the ubiquitous "not right for our list at this time."

Writers slave alone in a room for the most part. Feedback is critical to the process. Feedback assures you that you've made contact with the outside world and, if you're lucky, gives you a springboard from which to jump back into the fray with a stronger manuscript.

These days the rejection shoe is on the other foot because of my expanded role into the editorial side of Bell Bridge's horror/fantasy list. I'm the one sending rejections (instead of getting them) and sending the occasional request for more of a writer's work. This is why I'm pondering the art of rejection. Mostly I've concluded that I should apologize to every editor who's used that "not right for us" line. Never was a truer cliche created.

There is rarely enough time to give any rejected unsolicited submission a proper critique. Often the work is so obviously not right for us that saying anything else might send a writer into a rewriting frenzy with no guarantee that the rewrite will make the book any more marketable.

I've noticed writers have a very flexible idea of whether their work is right for a publishing house. "You want demons? Let me slap a demon in this title and send that sucker in!" Uh...no. But in rejecting the writer, I don't have time to point out the obvious (that I'm not stupid and they'll be published sooner if they work smarter). The time I have should be spent on writers who are right for our publishing house, who have had work requested, who might come through with a revision that can work for us. So, my rejections are normally a couple of lines.

"We appreciate the opportunity to look at your work. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn't right for our list at this time."

But the writer in me wants to say more. The common sense portion of my brain is screaming that I only have so much time in the day to give. I compromise and add that third or forth line giving more guidance as to why the project isn't working for us or at all. But only occasionally.

What's your best rejection? Your worst? Do you think it's best to say nothing rather than something brief which can be only the tip of the iceberg and ignore the more serious problems?

Debra: That's affirmative.

(Trust me on the title of this blog and seemingly contradictory "no" symbol. I'll get these two together. Eventually.)


Being a writer is a lot like standing around in your underwear during the spring and waiting for people to tell you what's wrong with your winter body. ::shudder::

Putting yourself, your words, your ideas "out there" that first time takes tremendous courage. Or a lovely naive belief that the only truth you'll hear will be the yummy ooh's and ah's of the folks reading your perfect prose.


::longgggggg...pause::


What? Oh! Sorry! I drifted off into a daydream filled with ooh's and ah's and nary a no. But I digress. Let me get back to my point.

As a career, writing will pretty much kick naive's butt into shape every time. Truth hurts; so you have to train for it. Writers , even multi-published, love-my-career authors still have to deal with rejection and revision and the awful truths that begin with-- "Well... "

We all know that nothing good ever comes after the word "well." Seriously, has anyone ever heard Ed McMahon say, "Well... you've won Publisher's Clearing House."

No. He says, "Well... you lost. You won't be back on Star Search."

Any writer on earth will tell you that the dreaded "Well... " is never a good start to a conversation with your editor. I thought I'd share my favorite rejection and favorite revision conversation with you.

This was my rejection on a proposal from my editor of many books back when she was with Bantam.

"Well, it's a good story. It's just not Debra Dixon enough."
Huh??
My response: "Are you saying you'd buy this story from someone else?"
Her: "Yeah. Probably."
Me: "But not from me."
Her: "No. You can do better."

I am not kidding you. True story.

Now for my favorite revision request. This is something a friend said when trying to describe what it feels like when her editor calls to talk to her about a new book. "Well, we love the book. It's one of your best cosy mysteries ever. But do you think you could make it into a Christmas story about a shark?"

Sometimes writers think we have to be nuts to be in this business. Sure, there are many wonderful things about this gig, but you have to deal with clinical dissection of your creative soul. You have to figure out how to get past that, how to keep the good and turn the negative into something that pushes you forward instead of holding you back.

One of the tricks to doing that is affirmation. Yep, that whole mind-body-spirit mumbo jumbo hooha, positive thinking nonsense. Turns out it's not so much nonsense as sense.

If you're not familiar with affirmations, they are short, personal mantras that remind you of things you forget, things that are valuable and important to your happiness and success.

"My story, my voice is energized by new viewpoints."

"I plot in unexpected ways."

"I am creatively original in everything I do."

"Writing is a joy and more fun than a corporate job."

"Nora will get tired of writing eventually."

Oh, wait, that last one shouldn't be on the list. My bad. But you get the point.

Some friends of mine have these affirmations:

"Writing feeds my soul."
"The journey is as important as the destination."
"I write quickly and love what I'm writing."

If you've never tried affirmations to reprogram your brain and flip on your "Can Do" switch. Give it a try. Tape them to your computer and start every day with a quick mental reminder of what you can accomplish and how you are special. If you need examples of affirmations for different areas of your life try: Personal Affirmations

Anyone got any favorite affirmations, rejections or revision stories?