Friday, June 25, 2010


That pretty much describes my sense of humor. Maybe with a pinch of snark. A swirl of sarcasm. Mix together and back away slowly :)

So given my irreverent sense of humor, I'm a sucker for the t-shirts with pithy sayings on them. If left to my own devices, that's all I'd have in my wardrobe, so it's just as well that I hate to shop. That means I'm not often close to temptation.

The writers among us will recognize a few sayings we see emblazoned on other authors' shirts:

--Nothing bad happens to a writer. It's all material.

--Careful. You might end up in my novel.

--In my book, I've already killed you three times.

--Romance Writers: Turning frogs into princes on a daily basis.

--You're just jealous because the voices are talking to ME.

But apparently there are top ten lists for funny t-shirts. Who knew, right? Do any of these yank at your funny bone?

--Hard work pays off in the long run, but procrastination pays off now! (words I live by!)

--In America anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

--Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

--I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

--I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own.

--Morons enjoy this t-shirt. I'm glad you like it.

--I'm back by popular demand.

--Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

--Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.

--Jesus is coming. Look busy.

--Don't make me violate my probation.

--Paddle faster. I hear banjos.

--I love cats but I can't eat a whole one.

--If it weren't in the gutter, my mind would be homeless. (Ah, an idea for my hubby's birthday!)

--The police never think it's as funny as you do.

--Half the people you know are below average.

--Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

--I don't have A.D.D. I'm just...Hey, look! A bird! (Do you have to be a teacher to think this is funny?)

--Cancel my subscription. I'm tired of your issues.

--Madness takes its toll. Please try to have exact change.

--...And if I did get smart with you, how would you know?

--Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

--Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.

--A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Do you have an irreverent saying on a t-shirt, coffee mug, or bumper sticker? If you could special order one of these t-shirts, what saying would you put on it?


MJFredrick said...

Okay, I'm actually wearing the "turning frogs to princes" t-shirt right now :)

My favorite on your list is Cancel my subscription. I'm tired of your issues. This needs to be my motto!

One I saw that was hilarious (I'm a teacher) was: "If you worked with your kid every day times 20, you'd need your summers off too." Another was, "BRAT is not a learning disability." And "Don't make me release my flying monkeys."

Playground Monitor said...

I used to have a coffee mug that had "It's official. I've become my mother." My sister sent it for my 40th birthday. I shudder to think what I might get for my 60th next year. Oh good Lord! How did I get to be nearly 60 years old? I'm sure there's some pithy T-shirt saying for that.

Love the list though.


KylieBrant said...

MJ, I'm dying over the 'brat is not a learning disability!' I need to get that as I teach kids with LD. And always wonder what's wrong with those 'normal' kids across the hall!

KylieBrant said...

Marilyn, I think we all wonder where the time goes. We'll get to talking about something that I think happened four or five years ago...only to decide it was more like *eleven* years ago!

lois greiman said...

My favorite mug: Live life boldly. Make someone say, what the hell just happened.

MJFredrick said...

Lois, that reminds me of this Hunter S. Thompson quote: Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!

Leanne said...

These are great Kylie!;) I have a sweatshirt that reads "All I ask is that you treat me no less than the Queen." I think that's especially appropriate for air travel.

KylieBrant said...

LOL, Lois! I also love the one that says, "Good friends will help you move. Great friends will help you move the body!"

KylieBrant said...

Leanne, any boost you can get with air travel is worth a try these days!

Lori said...

Love those! My teenage son has one that says "I'm here. What are your other two wishes?" Not that he has a self-esteem problem or anything :)

I also got one for my anal-retentive teacher hubby that reads: "Does anal retentive have a hyphen?"

Helen Brenna said...

OMG, Kylie! What a laugh! I love these. And my mind is going blank ... so what else is new?

Debra Dixon said...

What great t-shirts!

I want them all, but I desperately need, "If I got smart with you, how would you know?" It's a personal issue and the t-shirt would be the cherry on top!!

Back in the days we showed Irish Wolfhounds, my husband had a t-shirt that said, "Stupid people shouldn't breed." It worked on sooo many levels. (g)

KylieBrant said...

Lori, I've seen your son's t-shirt other places. Perfectly encapsulates teenage attitude, LOL!

KylieBrant said...

See, Helen, if you had a few snarky tees to refer to, that wouldn't happen, LOL!

KylieBrant said...

Deb, I love your husband's shirt and want one for my very own!

Kathleen Eagle said...

I love this post, Kylie! My daughter the smartie pants is a connoisseur of these. Let's take a quick detour in the convertible and pick her.

I was given a t-shirt with a picture of Geronimo that said "My heroes have always killed cowboys." I think one of my boys stole it.

KylieBrant said...

That's a great one, Kathleen!

I had the best time writing one of my books that had a Cajun hero who always wore sexually suggestive t-shirts. Really drove the straight laced heroine crazy, LOL.

Kathleen Eagle said...

This from dd--more t-shirts with attitude:

catslady said...

My kid wants to be President - I told her to aim higher.

So many cats - so few recipes.

KylieBrant said...

Kathleen, I love their 'The glass is half empty. Deal with it"!

Catslady, love the cat saying

Cindy Gerard said...

Thanks for the grins Kylie

One of my favorite was worn by a minister we once had at our church that read:
"The Lord is coming ... and he's pissed!"

And my personal mantra: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."

KylieBrant said...

Cindy--"Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional."That's a great one!

Kathleen O said...

Two of my favourites are:

When God made Man She was only Kidding

I have PMS and a Gun... Any questions...

SusanMallery said...

LOL, Kylie! My favorite is: "In my book, I've already killed you three times." We do that, don't we, plotting the gruesome demise of the people giving us grief? One of the joys of being writers.

This wasn't a T-shirt, but the other day, I saw a bumper sticker that said, "My kid was just named inmate of the month!"