On the Day After Valentine's Day...
...Some women will lean over that bouquet of unopened roses, see that the buds are already browning, and then chuck the whole dozen. Her SO [Significant Other] obviously bought frozen flowers from a bucket at the gas station on the corner. When will they ever learn?
...Some women will struggle into that flimsy piece of satin and lace their SO gifted them. But the damn thing is four sizes too small (the size your SO imagines you to be, or the size you once were—for about two minutes). Once shoved into the hideous bit of satin, those women will sneak a peek at the mirror. Body parts ooze out around the tight satin straps and lace gets wedged in places she didn't realize could wedge. With a gutteral cry of determination never again to hold out hope for the tag one size fits all, she will tear the thing off and vow next year she'll buy her SO a Boy's size Speedo with red hearts on the butt.
...Some women will drop yet another heart-shaped pendant into their growing collection of heart-shaped pendants purchased by the SO for 60% off at JCPenney's, Sears, Kohl's or Home Depot. Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but honey, cubic zirconia just plain sucks.
...Some women will don big black sunglasses and an Audrey Hepburn scarf to sneak into Target to return that heart-shaped waffle maker in exchange for season 1 of Supernatural. Then they'll watch the episodes after the SO has gone to bed, and drool over the Brothers Winchester, yes, even hitting pause for the towel scenes. When will the SOs ever get that kitchen appliances are not gifts? [Hee. I so worked another pic of Sam and Dean into this blog!]
...Some women will stare in horrific wonder (or wondrous horror) at the sex toy they received from their SO. It comes with six of those big batteries, a backup power adaptor, and has five speeds that go all the way to 'mach'. She worries about possible third-degree burns to sensitive body parts, and neighborhood-wide electrical outages.
...So it was the one day of the year that sex should be on the menu, and some women agreed for the sake of the holiday. Now she's wondering if that last Kama Sutra move was the one to throw out her hip, and is a Charlie horse supposed to last until noon?
...Sex? What sex? Some women will wade through the candy wrapper flotsom left in their childrens' wake, and realize the reason said children bounced off the walls all night (thus negating all attempts at sex) was because they consumed chocolate and high fructose corn syrup in weight equivalent to a small household pet.
...Some women will dump that mosquito-spray stinking concoction rumored to be eau de cologne down the toilet where it belongs, and replace with their favorite scent. Heck, the bottle is pretty.
...Some women didn't make it until sunrise. Instead, they were putting down Tums at three A.M. after that heart-shaped pizza with the extra tomato sauce that the SO lovingly brought home and presented as a home-cooked meal.
...Some women are unresponsive and near catatonic, due to a massive overdose of Godiva chocolates. [Okay, so there's nothing wrong with a little siesta after an entire heart-shaped box of chocolates.]
So what about you? Did you survive the most romantic day of the year? What was one of your most disasterous/horrifying/unromantic gifts?
17 comments:
I've never actually had a Valentine, but here are some things that've happened to friends of mine...
A friend had to take a pregnancy test on V-Day after breaking up with her boyfriend of three years. Negative thankfully, but what a way to spend the day.
A friend got these gorgeous roses only to get stung by a bee that was in the bouquet. She's deathly allergic and had to spend the night at the hospital.
Another friend got in a horrible car accident and was unconscious throughout all of V-Day. She was okay though.
And last but not least, a friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) broke up with her boyfriend on V-Day after he proposed to her because she found out he'd gotten another woman pregnant.
Yes, some of my friends have lives of high drama. Boy am I glad it's not me. :D
Wow, Bridget, no kidding on the drama in your friends' lives!
Alas, I've never had a disastrous or unromantic gift. It's good to keep the drama in my BOOKS, not in my life!
Wait a minute. I was horribly sick yesterday and couldn't eat any of the chocolate, not one piece, from the box my dh gave me! Does that count?
Bridget, oh goodness, those were good! I mean bad. I mean...well, you know.
Yes, Helen that does count. The inability to eat chocolate could be considered a disaster.
M
Surfer Guy was teaching at the community college last night. I helped one of the sons study for a test. Big fun. Not.
But I can tell you a lot about Lenin.
BTW, Michele, great post! I've gotten those scratchy too-small lingerie thingies before...but usually I've bought them myself. Keep thinking if there's not much fabric, is fit really an issue?
One of our blog-pals, Marilyn, had foot surgery yesterday. Ugh. Cheers and "get wells" go out to her! ::big wave:: Hey Marilyn!
This year I asked that we do something more low key and lasting. We got each other membership renewals to the local film society where we see movies each weekend. Then-- of course-- we went to the movies! "Definitely Maybe" was cute and sweet-- the perfect Valentine's treat!
My worst Valentine was the first without the hubby.
Hey guys! The surgery went very well and surprisingly I'm not in much pain even after the nerve block's worn off. I'm able to hobble around in my cute blue-and-velcro designer shoe but am supposed to keep the foot elevated as much as possible for a week to ten days. So I only hobble to the potty and the couch.
I do have pain pills in case this scenario changes and I ain't afraid to use them. LOL!
I have my laptop with the wireless card in the bedroom and started reading Betina's "The Book of True Desires" last night. I haven't read many historicals as I prefer contemporary stories, but the blurb grabbed me. This heroine is an adventurer and I believe this is going to be a fun ride!
Obviously Valentine's Day was different, but the DH sent me flowers on Wednesday so I could enjoy them early. And the florist just delivered a beautiful bouquet of cut flowers from my RWA chapter. So I can look at these lovely blooms while I'm propped up in bed with my foot up on several pillows.
My bad -- I didn't even buy the DH a present. I just told him to go out and buy himself whatever he wants/needs. He has a Harley so he's always wanting stuff for that. And he just got a new truck so he may need truck stuff. Whatever.
Fun post, Michelle. I spent Valentine's day this year getting the hair cut, lunch with a friend and then a matinee - again with a friend as hubby was working. Last night we did it up big - went to the bowling alley for burgers :o) But hey, they were great burgers :o) the roses on my desk are beautiful - what a sweetie pie he is.
And today, the day after, we are anxiously awaiting news about the birth of our 4th grandchild. our wonderful daughter in law started labor about 7:00 this morning. I'll let you all know when it's over - or should i say, when a new love is just beginning.
Hugs on the surgery Marilyn. Hope you're feeling better soon.
What? some women are receiving candy, sex, pizza, cologne, jewelry, and sexy undergarments! Lucky stiffs. I present everyone with their chocolate. I don't get anything for Valentine's Day. The hubby refuses to acknowledge Hallmark holidays. But he stills likes the chocolate truffles that he receives.
Dh and I met for a romantic lunch--the kids had a million activities yesterday evening, so dinner was out.
I got to the restaurant (late, of course, from helping with party in on child's class) to find a HUGE bouquet of roses on the table. All of the other tables has little bud vases with on rose bud.
Every man who walked into the restaurant glared at my husband. Every woman looked from her rosebud to my bouquet and forced a smile.
DH took the flowers home for me & I dashed off to the school for the other child's field trip. The kids gave valentines to residents a a senior living facility & decorated cookies with the residents. :-)
DH and I "celebrated" & opened the champagne after the kids finally went to sleep.
Betina, glad to hear you liked that movie! I've been wondering about that one.
Marilyn, you're here! Good to know things went well for you, and how trusting to tell the hubby to go buy whatever. I fear if I said that to mine, he'd come home with something large and very spendy.
Cindy, I love that you spent the day doing fun things with a friend. Valentine's Day is necessarily for a passionate love, it should be to express love to all those who are special in your life.
Flip, sounds like you need to buy yourself some chocolate!
I fear if I said that to mine, he'd come home with something large and very spendy.
Well... he does have the Harley. But I can't complain. He works hard, both kids are through college (though #2 son started grad school and The Bank of Dad is funding this semester cause his TA position won't start til fall, but he was on full athletic scholarship in undergrad so we didn't have to pay much for him before) and we live pretty simply other than the Harley. *g* He's supportive of my writing and while I pay as much as I can for RWA and conferences with my short story earnings, he readiy antes up the rest, gives me a kiss as I head for the airport and tells me to have a good time.
He just brought me lunch in bed -- stopped by the BBQ place on his way home from an appointment. And I hear him in the kitchen loading the dishwasher.
As I said, hubby was out of town, so I had a quiet holiday with the chocolate he left. :) We'll have a lovely dinner when he gets home.
Anonymous, what a neat lunch! And a whole bouquet. Very romantic.
Marilyn, he's a keeper!
Cindy, be sure to give us all the details about your grandbaby.
Flip, someone needs to crack whip somewhere!
The first gift Clyde gave me was a Black Hills gold necklace. Anyone know what that is? Well, I didn't. I had never seen the pink and gold leaves before, and I'm sure it showed on my face when I opened the box. I was a snooty, young college girl, and I thought, Sweet, but tacky. I went back to school (for my sr year) and wore it to the Spinsters and Ushers Ball. I thought it was terribly brave of me--proof of my devotion. I was pretty insufferable at times. I'm sure that necklace represented a month's ranch hand pay--"a dollar a day and found" as Clyde used to say.
I just got back from a two week pop-adventure in Costa Rica without my hub, but he still took care of the horses, went to work, and presented me with a dozen roses upon my return. I'm going to be more grateful from now on.
Happy day after everyone.
So glad you're healing, Marilyn.
For a minute, I thought the empty perfume bottle was the sex toy you got for VD. Made me wonder where the batteries went. LOL
Susan
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