So what kind of personality test is it, you ask? Well, have you ever thought about what your choice of underwear says about you?
The possibilities occurred to me last week as I did something I’ve never done before. I went to a well-known department store and splurged on a selection of designer underwear, all on clearance of course.
I bought boy shorts, string bikinis, hip huggers, and, yes, the dreaded thongs. Silks, cottons, stretchy synthetics. White, black, hot pink, and plaid with lace. I went for it. So what does that say about me? Probably that I’m going through a mid-life identity crisis, something you don’t need to do because you know what kind of underwear you like best!
So here’s my take on the whole underwear personality thing. I apologize in advance to all of our male readers for taking an entirely feminine point of view. Men’s underwear is, well, men's underwear.
Briefs or Bust.
This woman is all about comfort or ... maybe ... could it be ... too lazy to change habits? You buy what you grew up wearing, what you’ve been buying your entire life. Keeps things simple. Then again, in defense of all brief wearers everywhere (and I do have several in my dresser) you could be the type of person who doesn’t give a damn about trends. Comfort comes first. Either way points to risk aversion. Am I right, or am I right?
Must Match Maven.
Have you EVER known a woman whose bras and panties always match? Those cute, sexy prints for both bottoms and tops? This is carrying what our mothers said about wearing clean underwear in case of a car accident to an extreme. She’s either screaming, “Perfectionist!” at the top of her lungs or, “I wanna get laid!” Which one sounds more fun to you?
Lace, Lace and more Lacey Lace.
Can you say high maintenance? She's the girly, girl. The most fashion conscious of us all. Needs a separate closet just for her shoes, and she gets regular manis and pedis, too. No, I’m not jealous. Mmmm, okay, I am.
All right, let’s wrap this up.
The athlete. Duh.
Hot Colors Hot Times.
Pay attention to me. Me, me, me!
My jeans are so tight I can’t pull them on with out my panties riding up on me. Whaa! You have no cellulite to contain and are more than happy to tell the world. Okay, you caught me. Jealous again.
God, am I in a bitchy mood today, or what? Wait a minute. I just bought a couple thongs!
Interestingly enough, I read somewhere that men actually think panty lines are sexy. Makes them wonder about what’s under those clothes and automatically turns them on. Make me wonder why I go through all this trouble.
Did I miss anything?
Oh, yeah. The riskiest one of them all. Going Commando. You wear nothing proudly. You're my hero, but you do a lot of laundry.
What’s on your butt today?
Oh, and don't forget to stop by later today for Happy Hour!