Tuesday, August 14, 2007

A Different Kind of Personality Test

Helen here and first off, a disclaimer. What follows is by no means a legitimate personality test. If that’s what you’re after, I’m truly sorry, but you’re at the wrong blog site. This personality test means absolutely nothing. I made it up. And since my undergraduate degree is in accounting, I wouldn’t place any stock whatsoever in the results.

So what kind of personality test is it, you ask? Well, have you ever thought about what your choice of underwear says about you?

The possibilities occurred to me last week as I did something I’ve never done before. I went to a well-known department store and splurged on a selection of designer underwear, all on clearance of course.

I bought boy shorts, string bikinis, hip huggers, and, yes, the dreaded thongs. Silks, cottons, stretchy synthetics. White, black, hot pink, and plaid with lace. I went for it. So what does that say about me? Probably that I’m going through a mid-life identity crisis, something you don’t need to do because you know what kind of underwear you like best!

So here’s my take on the whole underwear personality thing. I apologize in advance to all of our male readers for taking an entirely feminine point of view. Men’s underwear is, well, men's underwear.

Briefs or Bust.
This woman is all about comfort or ... maybe ... could it be ... too lazy to change habits? You buy what you grew up wearing, what you’ve been buying your entire life. Keeps things simple. Then again, in defense of all brief wearers everywhere (and I do have several in my dresser) you could be the type of person who doesn’t give a damn about trends. Comfort comes first. Either way points to risk aversion. Am I right, or am I right?

Must Match Maven.
Have you EVER known a woman whose bras and panties always match? Those cute, sexy prints for both bottoms and tops? This is carrying what our mothers said about wearing clean underwear in case of a car accident to an extreme. She’s either screaming, “Perfectionist!” at the top of her lungs or, “I wanna get laid!” Which one sounds more fun to you?

Lace, Lace and more Lacey Lace.
Can you say high maintenance? She's the girly, girl. The most fashion conscious of us all. Needs a separate closet just for her shoes, and she gets regular manis and pedis, too. No, I’m not jealous. Mmmm, okay, I am.

All right, let’s wrap this up.

Boy shorts.
The athlete. Duh.

Hot Colors Hot Times.
Pay attention to me. Me, me, me!

My jeans are so tight I can’t pull them on with out my panties riding up on me. Whaa! You have no cellulite to contain and are more than happy to tell the world. Okay, you caught me. Jealous again.

God, am I in a bitchy mood today, or what? Wait a minute. I just bought a couple thongs!

Interestingly enough, I read somewhere that men actually think panty lines are sexy. Makes them wonder about what’s under those clothes and automatically turns them on. Make me wonder why I go through all this trouble.

Did I miss anything?

Oh, yeah. The riskiest one of them all. Going Commando. You wear nothing proudly. You're my hero, but you do a lot of laundry.

So, did I get anything wrong, right?

What’s on your butt today?

Oh, and don't forget to stop by later today for Happy Hour!


Debra Dixon said...

Helen- LOL! I'm most jealous of the new collection you've amassed.

Well, I'm from the South and my mother won't allow me to talk about underwear in public. (Helen, you hussy!)

BUT if I *were* allowed to speak of underwear and if I *were* to add a category to Helen's list it might be the French-cut Brief.

They're for the woman who understands the value of showing a little leg and avoiding the Granny Panty label while still maintaining maximum comfort. So, we'll call her the Practical Sex Kitten.

flip said...

You forgot bikini underwear. A natural mistake, bikinis are harder and harder to find.

Betina Krahn said...

I've tried to be an underwear maven, but I keep coming back to the standards again and again. I'm with you Deb-- the French cut-- demurely decadent. Okay, comfortable. sigh.

I don't think I could wear any underwear they made into a novelty song. Am I too serious about my underwear?

Helen Brenna said...

I love it, Deb! Practical Sex Kitten fits yo, er, I mean those french cut wearers to a tee!!

Flip, you're right. I bought a couple bikinis, but forgot to add them. Let's call the Bikini Babes carefree to the max. They don't give a hoot if their panty lines show.

Oooh, maybe that makes them smarter about the opposite sex than the rest of us, too. That whole men are attracted to panty lines thingy!

Helen Brenna said...

Interesting. I've tried french cut and they're not comfortable for me. Maybe it's a body type thing. Hadn't considered that before now.

Yes, Betina. Too serious. Thong, th, thong, thong! Is that the song?

Playground Monitor said...

Too funny!

I have one thong that's reserved for a couple outfits where panty lines are unacceptable (the new men's study notwithstanding). Most are bikinis but since they're headed the way of the Nehru jacket, my next ones might be French Cut. I'd like being called a practical sex kitten.


Playground Monitor said...

And LOL Deb at the hussy remark. Not only aren't we southern belles not supposed to talk about undies in public, a pox on us if we were to even THINK about going commando. Nice girls just don't do that, or so said my grandma. Nice girls always wear a slip under a dress or skirt too. Have you tried buying a slip lately???


Anonymous said...

I too am a bikini girl...and they are getting harder to find. You can find low cut, but not just regular bikinis everywhere. LOL about the southern belles and not going commando.


Debra Dixon said...

Commando ???? Heaven, forfend!!

Kathleen Eagle said...

I've never had any desire to try thongs. Don't see anything appealing about them. I think they're funny-looking.

I'm a French cut girl, but I do have some everyday cotton briefs, mostly in cheery colors.

Why no mention of spandex, Helen? Could it be because you're so fantastically FIT?

I like Spanx--or the Target model (Assets) which is a little cheaper. They're not tight, but they smooth you out, and there's no panty line. Quite comfy.

I saw Sarah Blakely (the model who came up with Spanx and later Assets)in an interview, and she said it was a big deal coming up with the names. (Marketing is everything, right?) She knew they had it when everyone around the table got "that certain smile."

Michele Hauf said...

Okay, what does it say about me if I go for whatever is on sale at Target? I'd love to do Victoria's Secret, but then I'd be tempted to do the matched set, and heck, I'd pick up that negligee, too, and whatever else that was lacey and expensive.

So you see. Target it is.

Helen Brenna said...

I've never gone commando, but I hate slips. Am I still a good girl?

Kathy, you're absolutely right, we need to add a Spanx category. I'll call it the "Push it in, Pull it up, Smooth it out, but for Heaven's Sake don't call it a Girdle" group. For women who don't want to sacrifice fashion. Ever. LOL

And Michele, these days Target carries so many styles and brands of everything, shopping there can say anything you want it to say.

Christie Ridgway said...

Spanx! I've never tried those. Are they girdle-y? I don't even like control top pantyhose (I never wear pantyhose at all anymore...does anyone?)

I'm a Bikini Babe myself, and find the very low cut ones now available very comfy.

MsHellion said...

I'm a bikini girl...so carefree. Woohoo.

But I definitely have some briefs, but they're the "High Cut" Briefs...so what would that mean? "My underwear is the only thing boring about me", perhaps?

Helen Brenna said...

No pantyhose one day, commando the next, Christie!

I like that, mshellion, briefs with an attitude!

Keri Ford said...

I LOVE UNDERWARE! It used to drive my mom batty when I lived at home. every time I went to the store, I picked up more underwear! I swear to you, I have enough, I could go at least 2 months and never wash and still have clean undies!

The low-cut brazillian bikini's from Ambercrombie and Fitch are my favorites!

I DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT do lace (unless I'm not planning to wear them long--there went that southern belle are good girls theory). Too darn itchy.

Thongs are fantastic so long as they're the skinny ones. Those you don't even notice. It's those wide-back thongs you have to watch out for.

And matching bra and panties? No, no, no. My bra would show through my shirts. And that's just plain tacky.

Helen Brenna said...

Keri, what's a Brazilian bikini?

Keri Ford said...

helen, a brazilian bikini (which I believe is my own made-up term if you're confused) cut really, really narrow in the back. I've had some bikini's that cut wide, and they just hike all over my rear. Can't stand them.

Helen Brenna said...


Debra Dixon said...

Where are the drinks? I thought this was cocktail hour?

But I need scotch because it has no carbs. Bleech!

Helen Brenna said...

Hmmm. Refresh your screen? I posted happy hour and it's showing up on my screen.

Scotch. Yuckety,yuck.

Cindy Gerard said...

Sooo sorry I missed this post and I'm taking a chance that no one will read my late entry because it 's the day after BUT, I actually went commando once. It was a RWA in Atlanta and I had this killer dress for RITA night and no matter what I did, nothing worked beneath it. So ... there I was - undie free (top too) in Hot'lanta and I've got to tell ya - I liked it :o) I felt very naughty - well as naughty as you can feel at a conference made up of about 2000 women. Would I do it again? Maybeee....

Helen Brenna said...

Your secrets safe with us, Cindy. Right everyone? hehehe

Cindy Gerard said...

You weren't supposed to actually READ that :o)

angel mariete said...

Thats not true i wear thong and they dont ride up they stay in place!!!!! They are comfy!!!!!