Deborah Smith - The Editor Is In

In the guest chair today-
DEBORAH SMITH

When she's not busy penning books like CROSSROADS CAFE (one of Library Journal's Top 5 Romances of 2006) Deborah moonlights as the Editorial Director for BelleBooks, publishers of fine Southern fried fiction.

Go Ahead. Make My Editorial Query Day.

"Am Wanting Of Send Amazing Proposal For Making Of Glorious Book By Your American Publishing Empire, Please, Sirs."

Oh, no. Another book query from the Borats of the writing world. Even a small regional publisher such as BelleBooks receives proposals from English-as-a-distant-language writers. Sincere though such supplicants may be, they're missing a basic ingredient of your average book query to an English language publisher with a distinctly Southern, moonlight-and-magnolias emphasis.

To wit: A command of the English language. Southern or otherwise.

Does no one read editorial guidelines in the modern age of global email? Har de har har. Obviously, writers the world over still live by this golden rule: Drop your book hook near and far whether it fits or not, and see if an editor takes the bait.

As BelleBooks' editorial director, I get every kind of unsolicited query imaginable: The Borats spamming American publishers in hopes of finding a taker for their novels, teenagers looking for approval of their class writing projects, retired schoolteachers convinced their memoirs of First Grade Shenanigans are the next bestsellers, you name it.

Some of my favorites:

"Why I Hate Customers And They Deserve It"

A Handbook For Cashiers

I felt sorry for this writer, who clearly had a fervent personal ax to grind. Having worked as a cashier in my youth, I sympathized with chapters headings such as:

"Do I Look Like I Know The Price Of Everything In The Store?"

"How Come You Gotta Wait Until Now To Hunt For That Nickel?"

and my favorite:

"Don't Lick Your Fingers Before You Count Those Bills Into My Hand, Lady."

Catchy headers, but a limited target audience.

"The Littlest Rebel Wants To Book An Appointment With Dr. Kevorkian."

A charming novel for children ages 6-12 in which a depressed child is dissuaded from suicide by the ghost of a Confederate soldier. Alternate title: "Don't Forget The Cyanide In My Shirley Temple."

Despite the fact that BelleBooks isn't listed as a religious publisher, authors of inspirational how-to's regularly submit their ideas. An example:

"Satan Doesn't Want You To Have A Small Business Loan"

Prayers, Pitfalls and Persecutions of Godly Entrepreneurship

Look, BelleBooks is as anxious as anybody to launch the next modern religious blockbuster, but some of these queries could use some delicate re-thinking in the "avarice" category. Or maybe they just need a good swat on the behind from our fearfully recalled Southern Baptist Sunday School teacher, Mrs.Hellfire.

Because BelleBooks is a southern publisher, some authors assume we like our books up on blocks in a weedy yard surrounded by hound dogs and "No Tress Pasin U Yankee!" signs.

"Aunt Maybelle's Down And Dirty Big-Haired Beauty Parlor Tales Involving Uncle Joe Lee Killin' Some No-Good Furriner And What Godawful Thing Happened After That To Change Our Downhome Family Forever"

Otherwise known as "Hee Haw Meets Hanibal Lechter."

And finally, there are the authors who honor BelleBooks with the assumption that no matter how often our guidelines say "Southern themes, Southern settings, only," we are far too worldly to ignore a brilliant novel of global intrigue.

"Manhunt In Manilla -- Book One In A Dashing International Thriller Featuring The CIA and Interpol."

Or, as the author put it in his query letter: "Since my novel is set in *southern* Manilla, I'm submitting it to you . . ."

Nice try, buddy.

Deborah-Smith.com
BelleBooks.com