Thursday, July 06, 2006

My new lover

All right, I confess! I pondered what to blog about this morning, but my thoughts kept circling back to that new man in my life. He's tall, muscular, has bushy white eyebrows and is bald! And it's not so much about him, as what HE can do for me.
Yes, it's Mr. Clean. And no, I'm not a house cleaner. I despise cleaning. I am one with my dust bunnies. The smell of chemicals makes me ill. But during a recent trip to Target a very handsome fellow peered up at me from a shelf and I am quite sure I saw him wink. (Hey, bald is the new long hair. Seriously. Watch out, Fabio.) I grabbed the box that claimed there were Magic Erasers within and took it home with me. Oh yeah, I actually bought a box of nothing. Seriously. There couldn't be anything inside it because it just felt like a box. But my new lover whispered "Try me, I'm magic." So I did!

Okay, now any product that claims to be magic certainly has a lot to live up to. Because, really, is anything magic? Even the magicians lay claim to 'secret illusions that are really just a slight of hand'. Magic? Right. I dump the product out onto the counter and my heart drops to my feet. This is what I get for falling for a wink. I have just paid $4 for a chunk of white foam. It's like that temperpedic stuff you sleep on. I'm serious. I glanced to my lover, smirking on the box. I'm not too sure about him anymore. Is he all charm but no substance? I'll have to give it a try.
Like I said, I'm not a house cleaner. And the greatest test for any cleaning product? My bathrub and shower stall. It's, well...not pretty. I NEVER clean it. But lest you think I bathe in filth, I do not. There is a reason God gave us husbands, ladies. And once a month I'll bat my lashes and shake the cleaning sponge suggestively at him, offering promises of—er, you get the idea. So the hubby, and all his muscles, labor for a good hour on the tub tiles and that icky soap scum that forms on the tub. He's a good man.
But he's not my new lover. ;-)
I wet the foam and sniff it. No telltale chemical smell. How can this thing possibly work? I glide it across the scummy shower tiles. And... "It's magic!" I whispered, but not too loudly. Another simple glide, no pressure—because I don't think I've ever had a muscle—and the magic eraser literally erases the scum! This is too good to believe. No lover—er, cleaning product, has ever done me—er, IT so well before! This is magic! I begin to shout gaily as I apply a bit more pressure and within minutes have cleaned the entire tub. Such joy! Oh, my lovely bald man! I have found myself a new lover!

All right, back to reality. Sorry about that. Got a little carried away. You've been married as long as I have, any little wink will do it. ;-)
I'm outta here. Gotta rush back to Target and buy all the Magic Erasers!


Kathleen Eagle said...

Don't take them all, Michele! I need a box of magic. (But don't you use the daily shower stuff? It works as long as one person remembers to use it regularly.)

I love Mr. Clean. I remember the original commercial--basically the same song. He hasn't aged a bit.

anne frasier said...



look at your pose. does that look at all familiar?

michele, i can't use cleaning products because they give me migraines. these erasers sound perfect.

Helen Brenna said...

Michelle, you're going to have to start charging sales commissions. I want some too!

Nicole said...

Oh...don't forget Target has generic Mr. Clean. SO you can do magic for even cheaper :-)

I LOVE those things though. They work like...magic.

Michele said...

Oh, Anne, yes! No noxious odors with the Magic Eraser. And I know I may have sounded like I'm endorsing a product, but heck, I am! Too bad I didn't get a cut of profits. ;-)

They remove ink as well! I've had this ink mark on my car dashboard for years, that nothing would remove. One swipe, it was gone.

But don't tell The Hubby, 'kay?