Please welcome Michelle Gagnon whose new thriller BONEYARD is sure to make you an instant fan....
I’ll start out by saying that I’m the furthest thing from an authority on girl stuff—basically, all that qualifies me to write this post is that I’m a) technically female and b) always eager to learn.
I grew up with one of those mothers that was not, shall we say, a whiz at the home economics. So Girl Scout badges were glued (not sewn) to my sash, when buttons popped off our shirts we were handed safety-pins, and dinner was ordered by phone. Needless to say, I can’t sew, cook, braid my hair, or do many of the other things that most women seem to take for granted.
I was always mystified by those girls who showed up at junior high perfectly coiffed and made-up, wearing the right clothes and able to make small talk with the boys. I was not among them. In terms of styling my hair, the most I’ve ever managed is a ponytail, and as far as makeup goes, let’s just say I generally don’t wear any because I prefer not to frighten people.
But I have managed to pick up some tips along the way, and thought I’d share them here. Take them with a grain of salt: like I said, I’m no expert…
1. In order to keep a wine glass rim free of lipstick, always (discreetly) lick it before sipping. I must emphasize the “discreet” element here, the first few times I tried this I had sketchy characters following me to the ladies’ room the rest of the night. Consider practicing in front of a mirror first.
And along those same lines…
2. Always hold a wine glass by the stem. Holding it by the bowl (the wide part) adversely affects the wine temperature. Using the stem enables you to look oh-so sophisticated and keeps your chardonnay cool and your merlot room temperature.
3. To keep lipstick off your teeth, once it’s been applied stick your (clean, preferably) index finger in your mouth and pull it out. Again, try not to do this in front of lecherous strangers, but feel free to make a resounding popping sound if you must do so.
4. This tidbit comes from a Parisian friend of mine, so it must be true, right? When wearing perfume, there are 12 spots where you should place it: that’s right, 12 (although she assures me you can cut a few out if you’re not wearing a dress or planning on getting naked.)
And they are: behind the ears, at the nape of the neck, in your cleavage, on each wrist, right below the navel, on the lower back, behind each knee, and on the outside of each ankle. I’m going to go out on a limb and surmise that if wearing pants, you can cut out all of these but the first four. But I could be wrong.
5.Also, regarding perfume: just a touch of oil-based fragrance goes a long way and doesn’t lose its scent like eau de toilette. It costs a bit more, but in the end if you only wear it rarely (like me) it’s more cost effective.
6. Eyebrow maintenance. Something I learned about in my late twenties, which is why for a decade prior to that you might have mistaken me for Frida Kahlo. Having someone manage your eyebrows (even if they only do the initial shaping) can make a huge difference. I found a lovely woman in my neighborhood who does Indian-style threading, my favorite option since it hurts less than plucking or waxing; but any form of maintenance will do. It can be the world’s cheapest makeover.
So, ladies, ready to share? What are your secrets? I’d love any and all further help. Best tip receives a signed copy of my first thriller THE TUNNELS. And if you don’t win, console yourself by signing up for my newsletter at www.michellegagnon.com and I’ll toss your name in the hat for an Amazon Kindle, iPod Shuffle, Starbucks gift certificates, and other fabulous prizes.
Michelle Gagnon is a former modern dancer, bartender, dog walker, model, personal trainer, and Russian supper club performer. Her debut thriller The Tunnels was an IMBA bestseller. Her next book, Boneyard, depicts a cat and mouse game between dueling serial killers. In her spare time she runs errands and tries to figure out how to get her hair in a French twist.
