Do you remember what it was like to anticipate your first kiss? What did you imagine kissing would be like? Do you recall your pre-pubescent days of watching actors and actresses on screen. . . wondering how they knew which way to tilt their heads and why their noses never seemed to bump?
Yeah, me too.
News came out yesterday that researchers have discovered that people who don't have a satisfactory first kiss, generally don't continue to see each other. Apparently the scientists concluded that which all teenagers instinctively know-- bad kissers don't get repeat plays. And then came all the inevitable experts opining on what makes a fabulous first kiss. More pressure on the pre-pubescent and the late-in-life daters who've forgotten all of this "delicate dance of romance" stuff. So, I went to the web and found (tada!)a Wikipedia article on "How to Kiss."
10 Steps to being a good kisser. If this were one of those Cosmo quizzes. . . well I'm not revealing my score. Suffice it to say, it wasn't 100%.
1. Be kissable. It says to use lip balm. Maybe breath mints. (Gwyneth Paltrow confided that she uses Altoids before kissing scenes. Really.) And check periodically to see that you don't have food stuck in your teeth. Lip balm, check. Breath mints, check. Water bottle, check.
2. Test the waters. Watch for signals that the other person is into you and ready for a kiss. Does he or she seem to enjoy touching you? Do they enter your "personal space freely and playfully? Bring up the subject of kissing? React positively if you bring up the idea of kissing?
3. Wait for the right moment. No hurry. Choose a private moment where you can be relaxed, so nobody will see if your attempt to kiss is rejected.
4. Get permission for the kiss. This, they say, doesn't necessarily mean asking verbally. It means telegraphing your intention: moving in and allowing the person to move closer or to withdraw, signaling that a kiss would not be welcomed. Yeah, well, a lot of people skip this step. Mostly guys. And that whole pause before contact thing escapes most college males.
5. Approach for the kiss. Move in slowly but steadily. You may use your hands to nudge or position your partner's body for more appropriate contact. (Remember that kiss where Spidey was hanging upside down and Mary Jane pulled down his mask and grabbed his head. . . now that was an extreme example of "the approach.") As you near your partner's lips, maintain eye contact. (See Deb's post of a few days ago for comments on eye-to-eye stuff.) And keep your eyes open until you've made contact lip-to-lip. THEN close your eyes to show you're concentrating on the sensations. (Show who? Aren't the other person's eyes supposed to be closed, too?)
6. Kiss gently. The first kiss shouldn't be at crush-depth pressure-- it should be exploratory and gentle. No pressing or pushing-- just let the lips meet gently. A soft, closed-mouth, lip to lip kiss is always best for the first kiss. (Most college boys are operating under a four-beer handicap by the "kissing" portion of the date. A lot of 45 year old divorcees operate under a three-martini version of same.) (Drinking and kissing-- not a good combination.) Then break the kiss for s second or two, deeping your head close to your partner's, and gauge the reaction.
If he or she is smiling, rinse and repeat.
7. Make the kiss the reason for the kiss. "A lot of people (mostly men) seem to treat kisses as nothing more than a prelude to something else and will try to move quickly into French kissing or start putting their hands in inappropriate places. Good kissers concentrate on the kiss, and they kiss-- at least seemingly-- expecting nothing more." (I quoted that whole part to let everybody know it's not just my opinion!)
8. Let your partner participate in the kiss. Good kissing requires give and take. Mashing, grabbing, forcing. . . are all in very bad form. It should be equal, not a contest in attempted domination.
9. Breathe. Through your nose, if possible. If not, take a break and breathe in between. Quietly, please. No gasping.
10. Use your hands. Keep them polite. . . no groping body parts. But use hands to augment sensation. . . touching face, cupping chin, touching hair gently, resting on shoulder or arm. A kiss is not the starter flag at the Indy 500. It doesn't signal the start of unlimited liberties.
Then there are a few other tips. . . don't poke your kissee in the face or eye with your glasses. Get your hair out of your face-- nothing says "ick" like hair caught against your mouth. And keep your mind on the kiss and not on other things that happened on the date. . . like that drink he or she spilled on you. Also, don't slather on lipstick in anticipation of a kiss.
Sounds very dry and unappealing to me.
I far prefer Crash's description in the movie Bull Durham: "I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."
Yeah. Me, too, Crash.
So, just for fun, here are four sets of famous Hollywood lips. Can you identify them? A set of Bert's Bees Lip Balms to one of the lucky readers who gets all four correct!
So, what was your first kiss like? Interesting, terrifying, anti-climactic, dreamy? Mine was in a kissing game. . . not the most romantic thing, but certainly informative. Got to practice technique with several (ahem) guys. Came away with a lot of info! So what was your most MEMORABLE first kiss? Or if you'd rather comment on what makes a good kisser-- fire away! Do you think romances give short shrift to kisses these days-- and just go right for the bigger contact? What was the most romantic kiss you ever read?
