Thursday, January 21, 2010

Debra - Connected

Gentle readers, I am writing to you from the uncomfortable chair of hubby's hospital room.  All is well.  Put worry aside.  We've finally done the full knee replacement we'd hoped to delay.  (Hubby is a little young for it.)  Multiple knee surgeries over the years couldn't help.  Recent MRI showed zero cartilage, new spurs since last January's most recent surgery, bone remodeling, and something the orthopedist pointed to on the imaging and said, "Well, that's just not right."

So, at 4 am Wednesday morning we staggered out of bed, toddled off to hospital, coughed up a big fat check for deductible and annual out-0f-pocket maximum, and we were in surgery by 7:30 a.m.

I say "we."  No one cut on me, but in the best relationships isn't it always "we?"  I think so.  We're a unit and have been since the day we met.  That mindset works for us.  We each have separate careers, friends and hobbies.  We aren't joined at the hip, but we are always connected.

I like that.  I mentioned in a comment on our blog, that marriage was a lifestyle that suited us.  "Us against the world" is nice.  Family, hubby, dearest friends or's always nice to know you're connected.

And here's the kicker.  This blog began as a little riff on hospital amenities these days.  I thought I had something clever to say about being connected electronically and how the world has changed, how dependent we are on our band width that I would be in the hospital with my husband and still blogging.  But that observation isn't what came out of my fingertips.

Writing is like that sometimes.  The deeper meaning of your scene rises to the surface just in time to give you the most wonderful bit of fiction, extra depth, juice you can use to push the emotions.  We just have to be willing to connect, to see where it takes us.

Are you willing?  Do you plan your writing or your life and then see the connections rise to the surface, and trust them to steer your direction?


Betina Krahn said...

Deb-- best wishes for you and the DH-- fast healing and smooth recovery.

And yeah, in the best relationships it's always "we." It just comes naturally.

In spiritual circles they often talk of being "mindful"-- of paying attention to the deeper reality behind what we see and encounter daily. To live mindfully is to be open to hints of the sacred or the profound that pop through and provide direction, comfort, or affirmation. I believe that goes for our writing as well. Strong, memorable, and even profound things pop through from time to time. . . which is one of the deepest joys of writing. . . realizing that you've touched something deeper, something sublime and eternal and real, even if just for yourself.

Grace and Peace, Deb.

Helen Brenna said...

Best wishes from me, too, Deb for your dh's fast recovery. It sounds like he may have been in quite a bit of pain, so I hope this gets him better than ever.

I ebb and flow on the whole concept of letting things flow. I tend to want to control things, so I can often steer the car in the wrong direction. And get lost! Like what's very possibly happening now with the book I'm *trying* to write!

Hope the day goes well!

Cindy Gerard said...

So glad your Hubby's surgery is behind him. Hope he is as happy with the result as my DH is with his. And good luck with the 'at home therapy'. I felt a bit like Nurse Ratchett at times when I had to help him with his exercises before he started going to PT. And yes, it's a reall 'we' effort and I feel fortunate about that.

Our son is having surgery as i write this - repair of a ruptured disk in his neck - and I'm so wishing I could be at the hospital but I'm taking care of the 2 youngest grandkids while my hubby is sitting in the waiting room with our DTL. Again, another 'we' effort.

As for the writing - a lot of blind faith that the story and the words and the characters are all going to find me and let me tell their story :l)

Terry Odell said...

Hope the recovery is speedy. My mom had it done a couple of years ago and made great progress. She regretted not having done it sooner.

I definitely put faith that somewhere deep inside, the 'real' story will come out when I start writing the one I think I'm going to write.

Indigo said...

First - I want to wish the best to your husband and hope for a speedy recovery.

I often never know what I'm going to write. Words circle around an emotion and swoop to feast on that days chosen food for thought. And I'm often left in awe wondering were the writing in front of me came from.

On relationships - Honestly after two failed marriages and (at the time) my impending deafness, I had foreshadowed being alone. Then came Paul. I can't imagine another soul being beside me, he stood like a rock - solid and firm to balance me through, deafness, my Emphysema...

Seven years...and he doesn't know it but this year, I'm actually thinking of finally saying yes to all the request for marriage. (Hugs)Indigo

lois greiman said...

Deb, yikes, nooo cartilage. That sounds terrible. Hope all pain is alleviated.

KylieBrant said...

Sending get well thoughts to your husband, Deb!

Yes, marriage is a 'we' unit. I'm feeling a bit guilty lately because once the kids left, I stopped cooking supper (Just a couple years ago.) And I'm thinking I should do it every other night at least because he really does pitch in, especially when I'm under deadline.

As for goes where it goes. That's how I write. I know where I'm going, just not how I'll get there!

Debra Dixon said...

Betina-- "being mindful" is an excellent description of what I meant about making the connection. You have to be aware. Such a great way to think of this.

Being mindful not just of connection but also opportunity, etc.

Debra Dixon said...

Ah, Helen-- I understand the "control" issue. I always want to help things along the path *I* want them to go. It is a struggle to truly follow the connections to explore where they lead.

I think I'm better about trusting the writing than trusting life. I tend to nudge life. Repeatedly.

Debra Dixon said...


I completely understand wishing you could be there. Thank goodness for "we" so you guys can cover everything that needs to get done. I'm thinking good thoughts in your direction.

As for the writing, I have that control issue. I like a road map, but I do still trust the connections that form as I write. At a certainly level, I think every writer has to have a certain amount of faith.

Debra Dixon said...

Terry-- Success stories are good! Glad to hear it. :)

Having the "real" story come out of is is the goal, isn't it? Finding not just the story but finding an authentic voice and an emotional resonance.

Debra Dixon said...

Lois-- He was not a happy bunny for a long time. Once he heals up from surgery #1, then we have to do the other leg! I could not get them to do both at once. (Hubby was all for it.)

Debra Dixon said...

Indigo -- I like Paul already and you must say yes! Serious. LOL! The world loves to see balance. I'm so glad you found him.

Maybe finding him was a lot like your writing. You had to circle around it for a while.

Debra Dixon said...

Kylie-- Sometimes "wanting" to do more is enough to earn brownie points. My hubby loves to be the "dude" and absolve me of guilt when I say things like, "Gosh, I really should ____blank____." The he gets to say, in his manly protective way, "But honey you do enough."

Christie Ridgway said...

Best wishes for his speedy recovery, Deb! I know he'll do well with the other half of his connected unit right by his side.

As to the deeper meaning of scenes welling just inspired me to get going on the scene I'm supposed to be writing. It's the first time in a new character's point of view and I don't really know him that well. Now I'm going to give Emerson a chance to tell me and trust it will turn out well.

Debra Dixon said...

Christie-- Report back and let us know if Emerson stepped up to the plate.

susan said...

Hope things goes well and yes..a relationship is "we" connected. When our children were on the way it was "we" are pregnant..except I think I carried the most weight in that case. ha ha susan L.