Secret Santa Nightmares

Now that I have co-workers again, I'm starting to remember some of the less pleasant rituals and customs associated with working "the day job." Like the tradition of "Secret Santa." You know, the quaint little custom by which people unload ghastly knick-knacks and re-gift awful items onto their office-mates in the name of Christmas cheer. Or take the opportunity to buy strange or overly explicit gag gifts (emphasis on the "gag" part) for people they believe are too prudish or aggressive or clueless. Or use the occasion as an excuse to lavish unsought and embarrassing largess on people they've harbored a secret crush on for months. . . years. . . decades.

There are pitfalls aplenty in the Secret Santa tradition. The whole "secret" thing, for starters. I mean who wouldn't like the opportunity to give a coworker what we think they deserve? Especially the jerk who keeps emptying the candy jar and the coffee pot without once replenishing the Hershey Kisses or bothering to make a new batch of coffee. Unfortunately, the secret only lasts until the Christmas party. . . then you're outed and have to own up to the six-pack of Speed Stick deodorant you left with a big red bow on "Stinky's" desk. sigh. I say, if it's a Secret Santa exchange, then keep in a secret. . . FOREVER.

But even on those occasions where you draw a friend or respected colleague's name, you still have problems. There's that pesky $1, or $10, or $20 limit that everyone swears they'll abide by. And of course, they lie. You hear what other people are buying and it seems like everyone is ignoring the limit. . . you don't want to seem chintzy, so you overspend. And then you feel like an idiot when the person who drew your name gets you an angel ornament made out of doilies from some church bazaar or a puke green nose warmer crochetted by a little old neighbor lady. There is no such thing as equity in the world of Secret Santa. Karma seems to have totally disappeared in that warped social Black Hole. What goes around does not necessarily come around.

I confess, I did it again this year. I overspent. We had a $20 limit and I ended up with a cocoa set (with 2 cute mugs) and a cozy blue microfiber throw for cuddling up under while sipping the cocoa. Then I saw these really cute ornaments that you put your kids' photos in. . . and of course I had to get some additional gourmet cocoa. I'm thinking about making the receiver of my fabulous "Secret Santa" gift sign a joint custody agreement. . . so I can use the throw on alternate weekends.

What about you? What was the best or the worst Secret Santa gift you've ever gotten? given? Are you a big spender or a penny pincher? Do you shop at a "dollar" store or try to score a bit of luxury for your giftee?

Such gifts -- done in secret-- may say as much about us as they do about the one we buy them for. MERRY CHRISTMAS!