I have a very simple issue. I think it’s time to begin hoarding my favors.
We don’t need to explore the straw (that broke…), but I am interested in whether the entire world feels nibbled to death by ducks or if you’ll admit to being a nibbler.
Do you do more favors for other people? Or do they do more favors for
you? I guess some folks might feel the balance of asking and doing is equal.
When is it time to cut people off? What if the favors are small? I’m thinking that if you list “doing favors” under “hobbies” in your personal profile…you might have a problem.
What is the absolute best phrasing when asking for a favor? How do you get people to do what you want them to do? Spill your best manipulation tricks and your best ways to “head a favor off at the pass.”
And speaking of favors, remember when I came asking for opinions about the advice book cover? Well, here’s the final cover, which owes some of its look to the opinions from our blog. Good job, guys. The author adores it. It’s pink. He’s gay. Do the math. (Hey, that’s pretty much what he said to explain why it works for him.)
24 comments:
Good thing it's not he's pink. It's gay! LOL Love the final cover, Deb. That's bound to get some attention.
I'm going to guess my favor scale is pretty even. But there are definitely times when I feel stretched too thin and pull back. It's important to learn how to say no as well as yes.
Love the final cover, Deb! Nice work EVERYONE :o)
As for favors, I try not to keep score. There are those who truly are not in a position to 'return' the favor. Those are the ones I seem to always say yes to because they need the help. By nature, I'm a giver - my mom just couldn't say no and I guess it transitioned to me.
But when I do draw the line, my old stand-by, "sorry, I'm on a killer deadline" generally does the trick, one, because it's true, I generally AM on a killer deadline and two, because most people respect that I work hard at what I do.
But it's still difficult to say no ..
Does volunteering fall under "the favor" category?
A friend said to me, "let your 'yes' be a yes and your 'no' be a no." So, if you're going to agree to something, do it willingly. And if you're going to say 'no' to something, don't regret it and feel guilty.
I'm not a religous person, but -- this (sort-of) quote from the bible really hit home.
I try not to keep score either. That just gets too complicated. This year I've had to ask lots of favors because of the divorce and in so many cases, I've had people tell me to pay it forward instead of pay it back. I kinda like that idea.
I like Amy's quote too.
Love the cover!
Marilyn
Wow that cover really POPS!
I have a co-dependent personality so I would say I go overboard on doing favors for others but then if it is my turn to ask for a favor I freeze. It is painful for me to ask for any favors for moi. I like Amy's quote as well & I would feel very good about asking my friends to pay it forward.
Love & Hugs,
Pam
Yeah, don't keep score, but I feel like I'm at balance with the universe and the whole 'giving and granting of favors' thing. Sometimes I might feel like I do a lot for others, but then 'wham' someone does a huge one for me. So it's all good.
Helen-- I would have put you on the "even steven" list. You are generally pretty balanced so no surprise there! :)
Cindy-- If we use our mothers' brand of detergent because it's hard to break tradition, it stands to reason that the important beliefs are going to stick to us just as hard as the preferences!
I forgot for a second that all writer have the absolutely true and handy excuse of being on deadline.
Amy-- Okay, you're officially crowned wise woman of the day. That is such good advance. "Mean what you say." That translates to so many areas of life, not just in saying yes to favors.
I look at volunteering in a couple of ways. Normally volunteering is "voluntary" (g) so people usually support a cause or receive benefit from volunteering (professional organizations).
Marilyn-- Yes, paying it forward is an excellent concept. Change in attitudes and how people treat each other begins with us and with random acts of kindness or freely given favors. ::sigh:: I fear I shall have to readjust my snit.
Pam-- Yep. Amy and Marilyn have added much substance to the whole "favor debate."
I don't lean toward the co-dependent dynamic but because I seem to manage my life fairly well, people always think I have time to manage theirs. "Hey, you can probably do this, can't you?"
Yes Marylin, I love the "paying it forward" way of life. There is an ebb and flow to everything...including favors -- which could just be thought of as, doing something nice for someone.
Debra, I'm taking it as a compliment -- even though I don't deserve it! And you are so right, about managing your own life, so you must be able to manage theirs...
"I feel like I'm at balance with the universe."
LOL! That is so Michele! When I read it I was immediately reminded of a recording of Leonard Nimoy reading The Desiderata.
Amy-- That whole "You can probably do this, can't you?" is such an awesomely sneaky way to appeal to people on so many levels. LOL!
Love this cover!!
I grew up learning never to ask for favors and to this day I can't but I have no problem helping everyone else. And of course there are those that take advantage but I'm too old to change lol.
Cover is terrific, Deb! Would you do me a favor? Design my next one?
Catslady-- Well, you should like it. You guys helped!
Kathleen-- LOL! I think they do a great job on your covers, but I'll do a cover for you any time you want. Just 'cuz I love you.
Oh, wait, was this a trick question relating to our blog topic of "favors?"
If so, arrgh!! I've fallen into your crafty trap, thereby proving that you can get me to do anything if you just appeal to my vanity.
My husband will tell you that I can't say no to anyone but him, LOL. But if there's no reason to not agree, I will always do favors. A few years ago I made a concerted effort to stop *enabling* other teachers by doing things for them that they should be doing themselves. I must say, I've been much happier, since I used to have to work a couple extra days without pay to get all the stuff done that they requested.
Love the cover!
It isn't easy for me to ask for help or favors, even right now with Don having 2 dislocated shoulders, broken wrist & thumb. I am learning to ask. I've always been more than happy to return the favors, especially the judging kind.
Meg
www.the-twisted-sisters.com
I do favors. I'm doing one right now. A girl posted on a loop with plotting problems and my cp seems to think I'm a whiz at this, so I volunteered. I've had plenty of people help me in the past, I like to give back. (hey, I'm paying it forward and didn't even realize!)
when people do things for me, I feel like I'm supposed to return the favor even when I shouldn't. Like when I win critiques at auction, I have a guilt complex that I should return the favor or do something for that author for doing such a great job--even though I paid for it.
I can't recall ever tricking anyone into doing something for me. I guess I just don't roll that way.
LOVE the cover turn out!
Kylie-- Yes, I think I need to stop enabling. If they can do it, they should. Then I'll have more time when people really do need me.
Poor Meg! I know it's been rough. I'll be thinking of you when St. W has his knees done this winter/spring. But I don't think that's as bad as what Don is going through. Wayne will be able to hobble and have his hands!
Keri-- What a good bunny !! But you should never feel guilty about paying for a critique. The author gave time to a fund raising cause. It's all a win-win!
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