Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Breakfast of Champions

I breakfasted on potato chips this morning. I’m not sure what that tells you about me, but I don’t think it says anything positive. I think, in fact, it suggests something like ‘I have officially hit bottom.’ There are other signs. Such as the length of my leg hair. It should be harvested soon. Someone could make a nice rug. Well, not ‘nice’ exactly, but you know what I mean. I have also ceased to wear makeup. And one day last week I wore my pjs under my snow suit when I stumbled outside to do morning chores.

What’s the reason for all this bottom hitting, you ask? I’m not exactly sure. I believe it has something to do with my broken arm. I’ve recently discovered that fractured bones don’t have much respect for deadlines. Hence, my book is going to be late, REALLY late, for the first time in my life. So, in my all or nothing way of thinking, I figure, what’s the use…I might as well be YEARS late. And become hirsute, and get fat. And so what if there’s a half an inch of top soil on every horizontal surface in my house?

As it turns out, hitting bottom is pretty liberating. And while it’s a nice place to visit I don’t think I can afford to live here. So, what do I do about rising above it and all that?

Truth to tell, I got my cast off today. It was duly replaced by a removable splint, which allows me to type with all ten lovely (if somewhat misshapen) digits. Yay! Except, I no longer have a reason to avoid shaving, and cooking, and there are those who expect me to get out of bed sometime before late afternoon.

Hence I need suggestions about how to motivate. Have you ever hit bottom? What precipitated the fall? Did you find yourself dining on substances that should only be eaten by the Inuit during the dark season? Or do you have other methods of ruining your life?


KylieBrant said...

Lois, I am shocked, *shocked* to hear potato chips are not considered appropriate breakfast. I am often caught eating Skittles first thing in the morning because everyone knows they belong in the fruit group.

I did go quite a while without shaving my legs recently and that was a truly liberating experience. I finally caved and shaved them last week and am pretty miffed that I'm required to do so again so soon. It just seems pointless to engage in a behavior that has to be repeated with such frequency and elicits no rewards.

I think there's something about winter that brings out the sloth in me. At least, that's the reason I'm sticking to!

Cindy Gerard said...

Cut yourself some slack, Miss Lois. You have a boo boo. Once you are healed, you'll start feeling like your old beautiful, magical, wonderful self again. In the meantime, I suggest you whine, bitch and complain until you get the pampering you deserve. Anyway, that's the way I'D do it :o)

lois greiman said...

kylie, skittles are rainbows. of course they should be eaten for breakfast. who doesn't want rainbows for breakfast?

and yuh huh on the leg hair thing. i mean, we're really just being environmentally friendly. more hair more natural heat and all that. it may actually be our social obligation to ban shaving.

i like your pampering idea, cindy. and I appreciate the sentiment, but this has been more wallowing. not that wallowing is all bad. one day my daughter and i watched a full six hours of the gilmore girls. i gotta tell you, i've rarely spent my time more productively than that. it was fantastic!

Indigo said...

I damaged the tendon from the thumb to the wrist 4 months ago. Yep you read that right. I'm in therapy 3 times a week now to try to salvage the tendon without surgery.It's worrisome that it's not healing.

Fortunately I had finished off my first book (ever) before the mishap with my hand. I wrote the first draft of the 2nd book, with my thumb and wrist in a splint. I made my doctor promise me, no matter what I could still type. Nine fingers out of ten isn't bad. So I know exactly where you're coming from. I still haven't trained anyone to do dishes and laundry for me yet. (Hugs)Indigo

lois greiman said...

indigo, i'm soooooooooooooooo sorry. i had no idea how hard it would be with only my left hand. but, right now i have my splint off, and altho my hand and arm is all knobby, wrinkled, and atrophied, it is fantastic to feel so free.

hope you are all healed very soon. and congrats on your first book. what genre is it?

Kathleen Eagle said...

I've been feeding off the bottom for a while now, but I don't mind sharing with Lois. She eats like a guppy.

Okay, this story is strictly among friends, right? The Eagle back 40 (aka my 20-20 thighs--length, of course) has long yielded the best hair crop--great for nest building--but since I don't see it, I usually forget to harvest. Not long ago my young granddaughter barged in on me when my back was turned after I'd just emerged from the shower. I was busy wrapping a towel around the bottomland when she shrieked. "Nana, you've got Man Legs!"

lois greiman said...

kathy, you made me laugh out loud!

my daughter and i are having a leg hair growing contest. i'm feeling pretty confident about the results.

Venus Vaughn said...

This post made me laugh. Especially at the thought of all of us going out and hunting up new and exciting ways to ruin our own lives.

For the record, this morning's breakfast was ramen noodles. All the fat and sodium a girl needs in one little cup.

lois greiman said...

ramen noodles!! genius. i'm liking the way you think, venus.

and now that I consider it, i'm not going to take all the blame for my weird behavior. my mother visited me a few days ago. she had left over lasagna for breakfast, which was unusual, usually she has about a half a gallon of cream on...whatever. she's 91 and is still chugging along like a tank. i think it's the high fat diet.

Candace said...

Lois, it's 12:19 pm in Indiana. I am sitting at my computer in my pajamas and robe, and a pair of Joe's thick wool(ish) black socks. Haven't combed my hair. Haven't brushed my teeth. Had goldfish (the crackers, not the swimmers) for breafast. Working feverishly to meet a deadline.

It's not "hitting bottom" -- it's just winter. I hope.

Christie Ridgway said...

I love the breakfast choices in your family, Lois. My mom just visited and she eats Very Healthy Things for breakfast. It took my bro getting married for me to learn something new about that. His wife, my sister-in-law explained to me right away that pie is Breakfast Food. Who knew?

I do think you'll start feeling much cheerier as your arm continues to heal. You can give yourself a break--and breakfast potato chips--and no permanent damage will be done.

I did have shredded wheat for my breaksfast this a.m....now I'm looking at that bag of Hershey's chocolates with lust, though.

lois greiman said...

candace, i'm so glad you're not eating swimmers for breakfast. we have to draw the line somewhere. i think that might be it. even for writers.

lois greiman said...

christy, i'm so sorry you weren't aware that pie is for breakfast. someone should have told you years ago, but at least you know now. it's not too late to make up for lost time. eat now.

Helen Brenna said...

You guys all crack me up. Kathy, from now on every time I see you I'll be thinking of your "man legs."

Honestly, the only thing I like about winter is not having to shave my legs as much.

So how are your pits doing, Lois? hehehe

Loreen Niewenhuis said...

Yikes. I've been low, but not that low. Allow the words to draw you back to the page. Your characters miss you. How will they hook up/break up/re-hook up without you?

Two good publishing advice blogs are at http://literarydatabase.wordpress.com/

and a great resource (which I designed) at http://www.literarydatabase.com

Keep writing!

lois greiman said...

oh man!! helen, i wasn't going to bring up the pits. but seriously, have you seen the ad where the girl is biking and her ummmm hair is flowing. that's me, minus the bike, the summer clothes, and her la dee da confidence regarding said hair.

lois greiman said...

thanx for the advice, loreen. i'm going to check out those sites as soon as i finish eating my weight in doritos.

Helen Brenna said...

Is this a good time for the recipe for the "fat sticks" I brought to the xmas party this past weekend?

lois greiman said...

helen, it is sooooooooooooo time.

Helen Brenna said...

1 stick butter
1 pkg of graham crackers
1 small bag coconut
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 reg pkg choc chips
1/2 C peanut butter

Melt butter in a 9X13 pan and sprinkle crushed grahams over the butter.

Spread the coconut over the top. Drizzle the SCM over the top, trying to cover as much of the coconut as possible.

Bake that at 325 for 25 minutes.

Melt the choc chips and PB and spread over the bars.

Done. Fat sticks!

Or should I say dinner of champions?

lois greiman said...

yay. i know what i'm making for supper. these things are fantastic, guys.

Cindy Gerard said...

Helen - that recipe is just plain cruel. I've lost 16 pounds since Oct and I'm almost ready to ditch the diet for the fat sticks. OMG!
Somebody stop me!!

lois greiman said...

16 pounds! Wow, Cindy, you haven't hit bottom at all. it's time to celebrate...with fat sticks. :) congratulations.

Helen Brenna said...

Wow, Cindy! That's awesome. I just have one thing to say ... those bars are really, really good.


Helen Brenna said...

Can you tell I'm procrastinating?

Keri Ford said...

YAY on the weight loss Cindy! I'm there in diet land with you so I had my special K with my soy milk for breakfast.

when I worked, breakfast was anythign from biscuits and gravy to a snicker bar. There were no limits. It was whatever called to you.

staying at home, the call is often persuaded by the amount of dishes.

lois greiman said...

see, yet another good reason for chips for breakfast. no dishes.

Linda Currier said...

About 6 weeks ago I got "bounced" off of our young horse. He slammed into the arena wall. Lots of bruising. 2 days later I end up in the emergency room complaining of sever burning pain in my hip and leg. Seems this is the blood flowing into the bruising. Doctor gave me pain pills and told my husband this called for at least 2 days of breakfast in bed. She even wrote a script for it. LOL. Sorry to say it didn't happen.

We have had horses for 25 years and this is the first time I have been hurt. Still have torn ligaments in my ankle. Seems to me even with a split on your arm you still need to "laze around". Don't want to overdo it yet.


lois greiman said...

i love you, linda, but i can't believe this is the first time you've been hurt. in oct i thought, hey, it's almost the end of the year and i haven't been seriously injured yet. sigh.

take care of yourself. whenever i see someone limping, i think, i wonder what kind of horse SHE has. :)