Monday, September 28, 2009

Which one makes you smile?

Hi all--

No one was scheduled for today so thought I'd lift a funny post from Marie Ferrarrella over on the SRS blog to share with you all. Hopefully at least one of these will make you smile!

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light!

. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old—as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Getting older is like visiting an all-you-can-eat buffet. What should be hot is cold, what should be firm is limp and the buns are the bigger than anything else on the menu.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

I’m starting to wonder how bad four years with no president would be.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

It’s scary when you start to make the same noises as your coffeemaker.

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18. Procrastinate Now!

Men are always whining about how we’re suffocating them. Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you’re not pressing hard enough on the pillow!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

I keep hitting “escape” on my computer, but I’m still here.
25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ever get the feeling that your stuff strutted off without you?
26. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27. The trouble with life is there's no background music. Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down are the ones who got you mad in the first place?
28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Any of these resonate with you? Or do you have a better one to start off the week with? If so, please share!


Cindy Gerard said...

Hey Kim'
LOVE 'em
15 kind of resonates with me - but then again, most of them do :o)

Kylie said...

LOL, Cindy. It's number 17 for me...but I'm a bit fixated on wrinkles these days!

catslady said...

I truly love them all and couldn't possibly pick one.

Kylie said...

Catslady, because it's Monday, number 12 is speaking to me a little bit more loudly today, LOL!

Kathleen Eagle said...

I'm with Cindy on #15. Even scarier--sometimes when I stop to think I've already forgotten what I wanted to think about.

Kylie said...

Kathleen, what I hate is getting down the hall to the office--and forgetting why I came. Arghhhh!

SuzyQ1955 said...

Kathleen I LOVE ALL of them but my favorite was: Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light!

Just because my mother taught me if you can't say something nice Don't say it and when I look after other drivers this definately applies.

Brenda said...

I wouldn't be able to pick they are all pretty great laughs!!

dancealert at aol dot com

Kylie said...

SuzyQ, yes, several of these could be applied to other drivers (huge grin)!

Kylie said...

Brenda, I sorta like the one about the couple divorcing because of religious differences, LOL!

GunDiva said...

I loved them all, but especially loved the "not pressing hard enough on the pillow" one. :)

Thanks for the Monday morning laughs.

Kylie said...

GunDiva--not gonna lie, that one sort of jumped out at me, too, LOL!

Cindy Gerard said...

I'm starting to think we are a very scary bunch and should all be given a wide berth ... :o)

Betina Krahn said...

I like the pillow-pressing one, too. But I really do enjoy the PMS-mad cow disease one. Too good.

And that bit about the gene pool needing a little chlorine. . . after the nuttiness I encountered today, I'm soooooo there.

Thanks, Cindy, for the laughs!

Anonymous said...

They are all good. How about"I can't go to hell, Satan still has that restraining order on me"?

Robin said...

Thank you, I needed a chuckle about now! 4 and 14 -I have them nailed.

Terry Odell said...

Eagles may soar, but turkeys don't get sucked into jet engines.

(spam word, appropriately enough, is 'silli')

lois greiman said...

You made my day, Kylie. Thanks.