Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Funny Happenings

To continue the humor theme we have going I thought we could share funny or humorous happenings that have occurred in our lives. Because, as Cindy pointed out, my life often seems more like a sit-com than real life, I have plenty of material :)

For some reason most of the funny happenings seemed to involve the kids when they were smaller. There's something about having children that works as 'the great equalizer'. No matter how superior a parent we think we w ill be, having our own kids re-alters our reality.

I worked in a local K-Mart when I was in high school. I didn't understand parents who couldn't clean their kids' faces before taking them to a store. Especially their noses. Ugh! I swore, when I had kids I would never ever let my kids out in public with crusty noses.

Uh, yeah. Somewhere along the line I learned that no matter how you scrub in the car, those noses are running again by the time you cross the parking lot and enter the store. Nor had I figured on my eldest son, who had to be broken of the habit of wiping his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. If necessity is the mother of invention, the kid was a genius. Even short sleeved shirts posed no problem for him.

But nothing makes a parent feel better about their offspring than taking them to church. Because let's face it, there's nothing you can *do* in church, short of taking them out, to alter their behavior. Not unless you want cries of, 'Ow! Mommy, stop pinching me!' to drown out the priest and choir.

I figured taking five kids to church every week means an automatic ticket to the heavenly beyond. I always dressed them really cute, hoping the people would remember their clothes rather than their behavior. (with four boys, this was probably a futile hope). The funniest thing that ever happened to us was when my third son was 2 1/2. The babies were newborns and the other two 7 and 8. So we're spread out in the pew and Jordan is climbing around and finally sits down on the floor by the kneeler. Fine. He's not hurting anything. Until people start wanting to kneel. My dh left him down there to his own devices. And then my son took the high heel pump off the lady kneeling in the pew in front of us and handed it to my dh :) When the lady turned around she didn't see Jordan on the floor. She only saw my husband with her shoe in her hand.

To this day she won't sit by us in church :)

Humor has healing properties and we can all use a smile. Anyone want to share a funny story that happened to you or someone in your family?


Debra Dixon said...


That's funny! I'm going to steal the shoe incident for a story I'm working on, 'kay??

Kylie said...

Go ahead, LOL! Of course I think it's hilarious and my husband still doesn't smile about it!

This is the same son who winged his glass bottle out into the middle aisle during the sermon and it shattered. The ushers had to clean up the mess and they gave my husband (because he was holding him) a filthy look. I leaned over and whispered, 'tell them to save the nipple.'

He didn't think *that* was funny either!

Playground Monitor said...

LOL on the shoe incident. When my son was pre-teen, we let him sit with a friend in church one Sunday. I turned around to check on them and they weren't there. Turns out they'd laid on the floor (sanctuary had vinyl floors) and they were sliding under the pews, row by row, toward the back of the church.

I have to tell on the DH too. His father was a Southern Baptist preacher and one Sunday he asked the DH's older brother to put his swimsuit on and check something in the baptistry because they were having baptisms that day. During the service, the DH nudged his best friend and asked, "Wanna go swimming after church?" The friend said yes, but he didn't have a suit. "No problem. I have two," said DH. So after church they run next door to the parsonage, put on swimsuits and sneak back to the church. There they proceded to dive into the baptistry from the side. All of a sudden, the DH looks up and his dad is standing at the top of the stairs leading down into the water. "I'm just giving Larry life-saving lessons," the DH explained. And he was informed that the life he needed to save was probably his own. Turns out they'd been splashing water all over the new oil painting that hung behind the baptistry and on the new velvet curtains that closed it off when not in use. DH said he got the beating of his life for that -- but weeks later.

Flash forward to his 25 year high school reunion and they have it in the basement of the church. The next morning a group of them attended church service and presented a collection they'd taken up at the reunion in memory of the DH's dad. DH said all he could see during that service were the water stains on that painting.

Then there was the time he and Larry loosened the caps on the grape juice a member of the congregation had made for communion. The stuff fermented, and on communion Sunday, the DH and Larry sat in the balcony and tried not to laugh when everyone drank what they expected to be grape juice.

Me? I was a good girl, too afraid to break any rules.


Kylie said...

Marilyn, I have this picture of the kids slipping pew by pew toward the back of the church. Too funny!

When my oldest two were pre-teens and old enough to know better, I returned from communion to find them *spitting at each other* in the pew. Seriously. I still bring that one up to them!

Your poor husband probably was scared to go swimming again for the rest of his life!

Helen Brenna said...

Kylie - what a great story! But with 4 boys, I'll bet you have a ton of them.

As usual, I can't remember anything funny ever happening to me. Things happen. I'm not just not very good at remembering them, or retelling. I'm not a joke teller either.

Terry S said...

What a great blog. There is not a better way to start the day than sharing funny kid stories. Now comes the hard part - choosing just one! Here goes...

When my daughter was 4 we were in a local garden store. The young man helping us was perhaps 16-17 years old and had more braces than I have ever see on any one person. Nothing but silver to be seen. All the time he was taking us around making suggestions, my daughter stared intently at his mouth. He valiantly ignored her. I'm sure it was nothing new to him and he was surely expecting a teasing or rude comment. Then as the bill was rung, money exchanged and we were preparing to leave, my daughter piped up with "Your braces are beautiful! I hope I get some just like them someday!" I have never seen anyone turn so red as that young man. Her compliment was the last thing he expected. All of his braces shown in their silver glory as he thanked her. I am still laughing about it 20+ years later. Aaah, the innocence of youth!

Kylie said...

Helen, I used to jot things down that my kids said or did and they get such a kick out of them now.

Now I'm doing that for my grandsons because their parents don't have time.

Kylie said...

Terry, that is the last thing I would have expected her to say! And so much better than what she *could* have said!

How like a girl to see the braces as a flashy fashion accessory, LOL!

Cindy Gerard said...

Love the stories. Here's one of my favorites:
We had two little black kittens many many years ago - both female and both came into heat at the same time. Think yowling cats!
Our son was five and he was listening to those cats as they stood up on their hind legs peeking out the storm door window yowling up a storm.
Kyle asked what they were hollering about. In my inimitable wisdom, i told him they were yelling for their boyfriends.
"Well," Kyle says after listening a while longer, "one of the boyfriends must be Marv and the other must be Ralph."
That made ME stop and listen and sure enough there was a kitty chorus of Maaarrrrrvvvvv. Raaaallllppppphhhhh.
I still crack up when I think about it.

Kylie said...

LOL, Cindy! Whenever we try to dodge a long drawn out explanation for a touchy subject it invariably comes back to bite us!

I remember when my oldest was five and I was pregnant with number 3. He asked how the baby was going to be born and I told him the truth, using 'real terms'. He cocked his head suspiciously, looked me up and down and said, "How's it going to get out of your pants?"