Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Favorite Email Jokes

IMPORTANT HEALTH ADVICE FOR WOMEN

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine.

White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine
may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WARNING:
The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people

NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE!!!


Do you like/dislike getting all these email jokes? Do you have a favorite?

13 comments:

Betina Krahn said...

Personally, I like e-mail jokes. any humor is welcome in my life-- with the exception of the really gross or twisted variety.

I love the warning that white wine my cause you to think you're whispering when you're not. Have seen lots of people under that delusion!

Helen Brenna said...

What I find amazing is that one person's gross/twisted might hit another person's funny bone.

My dh and I are like that.

catslady said...

I drink red wine :)

Helen Brenna said...

LOL Me too!

Estella said...

I like the email jokes. I don't have a favorite.

Liza said...

I like email jokes too. I'm sure I have a favorite, but can't remember it right now.

Playground Monitor said...

I deplore the emails that insist I forward something to ten people or I'll have a decade of bad luck (and don't forget to send it back to the sender). But I do love a good joke. To wit...

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... including the curtain rods.


Marilyn

Helen Brenna said...

LOL Love it, Marilyn.

Estella and Liza, I can never remember them either. If I hadn't just gotten emailed that joke yesterday, I can promise you I wouldn't have been able to put it up here!

Sean and Anna said...

That story is hysterically funny- for some reason my husband thought it was less funny than I did. Probably because he fears what women are capable of. He did laugh but I cracked up. Karma is so cool.

I normally dislike email jokes, especially the forwards, but every now and then my family sends one that I cannot help but love. Humor is a good thing and laughing is amazing-Usually its the dry humor that I love- anything british works. I laugh myself silly watching BBC.

Kylie said...

Since I have a pretty warped since of humor :) I usually think the jokes are pretty funny. Unless they come from my husband and his idea of humor tends to include enormous breasts. The punchline doesn't matter...I suppose they never think beyond the picture. (Shaking my head) Makes you wonder just how far evolution has progressed!

I've seen both of those jokes and think they're hilarious.

Kandas - Custom Furniture Consultant said...

I love playground monitors joke!! Revenge sure is sweet.

This is a really fun blog. I like the premise and the title sure does make me miss my ragtop days. I belong to similar blogging community of successful work at home moms. Successful meaning we actually make a living from home. :) It's fun to collaborate and have a place to come together.

Cheers!

Kandas - Custom Furniture Consultant said...

Note to self... check for grammatical errors before hitting publish. :)

house moving said...

搬屋公司
搬運
搬運公司
Moving company
House moving
搬屋
搬屋公司推介