Whose Fantasy Is This Anyway?
Back in the early 20th century, Sigmund Freud asked his famous question, “What do women want?”
Judging from my spam folder, I think guys are still trying to figure that out.
Penis enlargement is the–um–big thing. All you need is a super-sized tool, and the women will fall all over themselves to go to bed with you. Of course, I keep wondering how you’re supposed to reveal this piece of equipment to get her interested. Flash her at the office or on a bus?
Guys are preoccupied with size. And volume, apparently. How about THIS ad?
“Did you know that a recent survey showed that 85% of women actually get aroused by a man who produces ‘above average’ semen amounts? With our pills, she’ll be speechless… and definitely coming back for more…”
Yeah, she’ll be speechless, all right–when he floods her out of the bed.
Okay, I realize I’m getting a little gross here. And I also realize these ads play to male fantasies and vulnerabilities. It’s easy to satisfy your sweetie. You don’t have to be good at conversation, dancing or foreplay. Flowers, candy, and Champagne? A tender show of emotion?
Forget all that. You’ve got everything you need right in your magic wand. The bigger the better.
Any man who bothered to sit down and read a romance novel would find out very quickly that semen is pretty far down the list of what turns a woman on. Really, how many love scenes have you read where the guy erupts like Mt. Vesuvius? Or love scenes that get around to cleaning up after sex? Not many. Of course, a big tool can be a turn-on. But it’s not the be all and end all of sex. Just pointing that Maypole at her, then stuffing it into “slot B,” isn’t going to do the trick, because a woman needs her partner to turn her on before they get to intercourse. Remember that famous line from SEX AND THE CITY, delivered after a particularly disastrous sexual encounter: “Do you know what a clitoris is?”
Romance novels make it pretty clear what women want. We’re looking for a man who focuses his attention on his woman. Who charms her with his witty dialogue, then slowly and skillfully uses his hands and mouth to bring her to a tingling level of arousal before he . . . .
Well, you get the idea.
I enjoy writing love scenes where a man and a woman give each other pleasure. And when I’m in the middle of one, I’m as focused on the emotions of my hero and heroine as I am on the physical descriptions. The emotions of these two people and the building arousal reinforce each other to give the scene a depth that most male writers can’t achieve.
There are a few men who can do it, though. One guy who “gets it” is Ken Follett. In fact, he was actually one of my role models. When I read THE KEY TO REBECCA, my reaction was, “THAT’S what I want to write–two people falling in love against a background of suspense and danger.”
The hero and heroine may start off lusting after each other. They may jump into bed for the fun of it. But they end up committed to each other–body, mind, and soul.
Since I write romantic thrillers, I know my plot is going to drag my hero and heroine to hell and back. But I also know I’m going to reward them with a long, happy life together. And a fantastic sexual relationship is always part of the package.
To bring us around to the paranormal, that’s one of the reasons I got into werewolves. I love writing about the men in the Marshall family–my strong, sexy alpha male shape-shifters.
They enjoy sex on a very basic, very animal level. But when each of them finds his lifemate, the sex between them is mind-blowing–and a strong part of the bond they forge. In my latest book, GHOST MOON, even when Caleb Marshall is a ghost, he’s using sensuality to reach out to my heroine, Quinn, because he longs for a physical connection with her.
Sex is always integral to my stories. But sex in the context of a relationship where each partner takes pleasure in pleasing the other.
That’s what I’d like guys to take away from my books.
What do you want from your fantasy lover? And from the romances you read?
Rebecca
www.rebeccayork.com
13 comments:
Welcome Rebecca. It's great to have you with us.
Men definitely do have a different set of values than we do. In fact, they might be a different species than we are without shape shifting.
But we still like 'em and I guess the main thing I look for in a fantasy hero is a sense of humor. Make me laugh and you've pretty much got me.
My fantasy hero would be smart. Not so over the top that he couldn't have a conversation about everyday stuff, but someone who would challenge me to think. I guess really that is what I'm looking for in real life too.
Hi Rebecca and Welcome to the convertible! What a great topic. And what a BIG question :o)
Add vulnerability to the list of desirable traits for a lover. Yes, he has to be strong both emotionally, morally and physically, but give me a guy who's wounded and his psyche has been affected by the wound, and I'm hooked.
Hi, Rebecca! Welcome!
LOVE your cover - very sensual.
Fantasy lover? Someone who gives as much as he demands and vice versa.
Hi Rebecca. My fantasy lover would be intelligent, have a good sense of humor, be sensitive to my needs and could handle any situtation he encounters.
Hmm, well this IS fantasy, so I gotta have a man who can read my mind, speak French to me, rub my toes, and serve me chocolate that doesn't add on a single calorie every night.
Think I can find one of those?
:-)
M
Welcome Rebecca! Hope you enjoy your day in the convertible!
Having experienced a number of middle-aged daters. . . yeah, men often get it wrong. Some pay attention enough to get it right, though and realize that romance and discovery and self-revelation take time. And trust. None of which comes overnight.
My fantasy? I like the chocolate with no calories. And the foot massage. But I'd like a warm beach, white sand, ice blue water, and a sexy, confident man who loves to throw out double entendres and appreciates a woman with a brain. Oh, yeah. . . and margaritas and mojitos that have no calories either!
Hey, Rebecca!
Love the cover. I've been studying covers recently so excuse my preoccupation.
In my romance novels I want characters who fascinate me IN and OUT of bed. The relationship has to work outside the bedroom and I don't mean they have to get along. I want to see how their minds align and diverge, how they deal with that, how they deal with sexual tension before we hit the sack.
Michele, chocolate without calories is definitely a great idea. I do buy the sugar free chocolates, which take away some of the calories. Apparently, Godiva has just come out with some, so I want to try them. Up till now, Rocky Mountain Candy Company had the best. They used to have a store near me, but it closed. (sob.)
My fantasy guys are a lot different from what I want in a husband, since my heros always drag the heroine into danger. (Or she's already in danger, and he has to get her out of it.) But they all do LOOK LIKE him--only taller and slimmer. If I do a blond hero, I'm lying about it.
Rebecca
Hi, Rebecca! Oh, that cover really is eye-catching. My fantasy guy? He can laugh at himself...he'd even laugh at the big tool thing and realize that he'd hoped that was all there was to it a time or two.
He's confident, and then dismayed to realize that all that confidence doesn't mean he isn't vulnerable to the one woman in his life he can live without...me!
He can fix stuff. Go ahead, you guys, and think I'm shallow, but boy, do I love a fixing kind of man. My dh can get anything to work, can figure out ways for things to fit in boxes, he can put something back together that I am devastated I broke.
My fantasy hero is funny, smart and can handle anything that gets thrown his way. I also expect him to be loyal and respectful. I don't know if such a guy exists.
I'm loving the hero wish list!
Rebecca
I want them to only have eyes for me and to do anything I wish. They have to also have a good sense of humor since I like to be able to laugh.
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