Sunday, November 25, 2007

Greiman's post-binge blog

Okay, Thanksgiving is over. I’m now officially allowed to quit eating. I never actually thought I’d look forward to this, but I’ve eaten so much over the past week that I realize the garment industry was being overly optimistic when they labeled my robe ‘one size fits all.’

My ankles are now the approximate size of summer melons, my eye balls are swollen, and my skin hurts. Maybe this doesn’t happen to you, but it does to me. My skin actually, literally hurts…probably from stretching too fast. Yes, I know; it’s disgusting. Anyway, in an effort to make light of my problems (get it?) I googled food quotes. Here’s what I found.

“A waist is a terrible thing to mind.” Jane Caminos

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”
George Bernard Shaw

“Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change plac
es.” Joseph Cossman

“I have a great diet. You're
allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.”

“We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'”
Elayne Boosler

“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
Rodney Dangerfield

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends”

“A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.” Dennis Miller

“Chocolate…it’s not just for breakfast anymore.”

“A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.” Erma Bombeck

“Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing.”

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!” Lucy Van Pelt in Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz

“I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process.... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?” Unknown

“The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and by Shakespeare. Neither knew chocolate. The Swiss are known for nonviolence. They are also known for superb chocolate.”

“I am not overweight. I am chocolate enriched.”

“If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top hose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.”

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” Erma Bombeck

“Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don’t need an appointment.”

“The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.” Isaac Asimov

“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.” Woody Allen

“Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.” Anonymous

These are all good quotes, filled with much fine advice and sage words to live by, but my favorite comes from Miss Piggy who says, “Never eat more than you can lift.”

So, any quotes you’d like to share? How about words of wisdom? Dieting advice? Or…my personal favorite…advice against dieting? Maybe you’d like to make me feel better by telling me how much weight YOU gained over the long, engorged weekend. Or by sharing your top secret plan that divulges how to lose weight while eating six high calorie meals a day. Anyone? Anyone at all?


Betina Krahn said...

Lois, lol, how did you know I was struggling with this this morning? Are you clairvoyant? A Peeping Tom-ess?

Aghhhh. I overdid. Again.

So now I'm in Purgatory-- which is at the back of MY CLOSET, for you theologians in the group-- and I'm trying to find a pair of shorts that allow me to breathe while sitting down. Not having much luck. And most of them have elastic waists. !!!!

However, in keeping with my new post-"Secret" positive persona, I emerge to stand before my full length mirror and announce. . . "I am slim, healthy, and beautiful."

And I fall over laughing.

Hey, laughter is good for the soul. Plus, if my rib cage is moving, it must be burning a calorie or two.

Thanks, Lois!

Betina Krahn said...

And Lois, I LOVED the quotes!

JoAnna said...

I just tell myself it is all water weight:) It will be gone in a few days.

M. said...

wow. my first visit to your site, i drop in here at the comments to congratulate on your quotes (excellent - i have a quote collection and with your kind permission will add a few) and who do i find but betina krahn - she of the novel involving a heroine who gives new meaning to that old chestnut (ha!) about the way to a man's heart being through his stomach (and, in the hero's case, the nose). woot.

Helen Brenna said...

It's the holiday season. Take a holiday from worrying about it.

flchen1 said...

Amen, Helen ;)

Love the quote collection, Lois! I'm trying not to worry about it too much until January. We're still mostly walking the kids to school nearly everyday, so I'm feeling like I've got some built-in exercise (it isn't much, but I can fool myself, can't I?) :)

Seriously, what are holidays and family time without some yummies?

Michele Hauf said...

I thought holiday calories didn't count?

Hey, did someone change the rules on me?

I must admit I'm a stuffing and cranberries kind of gal, so I did overdose on those lovely bits.

I don't do the weight worry thing, though probably I should. ;-)

Michele Hauf said...

Hey! Can I do a self-promo thing in the comments? I'm not trying to move in on Greiman's action, oh no. But all week at my own blog (link to the right) I'm taking a cue from Oprah and doing My Favorite Things. Stick around all week and I'll have a gift for you all at the end!

Debra Dixon said...

We had 4 Thanksgivings (not counting left overs). Only 2 were on the same day. The others were spaced out taking us from Thanksgiving brunch to Sunday evening.

I'm here to tell you that spacing it out does not help. I'm still miserable. However, we purposely took this next month off from the diet and we'll start again in January.

My reasoning is that we need to reset our metabolisms. :)

Good one, huh?

Samantha Hunter said...

Very funny post .. love the gravy as beverage. ;)

I don't believe in diets anymore -- they all work, but only if you change over to make them your lifetime way of eating.

I've been on them all, lost weight on them all, and then gained it back.

Only this year did I wise up, make some permanent changes that were small enough I could live with them permanently, and I've lost one jeans size and kept it off, and plan to try to make some more small, livable changes next year. It's a small change to show for an entire year, especially when shows like the Biggest Loser have people dropping 20lbs a week, but my weight seems to be staying off, so I'm happy about that.

Eat well, everything in moderation, and exercise. It's so crazy simple, and you know what? If you do it 85% of the time and go crazy the other 15%, you still see a difference in the long run.


lois greiman said...

Wow, Sam, learning from your mistakes. What a concept!!

Cindy Gerard said...

Lois, Lois, Lois - I DARE you post a post-Thanksgiving photo of you all blimped up after the holidays. What did you do, go from a size 1 to a size 1-1/4? You silly, silly woman.
As to the quotes - wicked funny. And I can identify with every one of them :o(

BTW: i finished my book!!!!!!!!! First one on my new contract with Pocket and I'm one happy girl. Would be happier if I hadn't worked my way through several pounds of chocolate getting the darn thing done. And yes, Virginia, the was a weight gain involved...

Yvonne Lindsay said...

Those quotes are absolutely gorgeous! Thanks for the laugh!

Hmmm, now what shall I plan for lunch...

Anonymous said...

Those are great quotes. The laughter has counted for may aerobic exercise for the day.

We had two Thanksgivings this past week, and have just polished off the leftovers. My DH and kids have made me swear that no turkey will be cooked in this house before Christmas.

My favorite quote is from GARFIELD, "I'm not overweight, I'm under tall."


lois greiman said...

Good thinking, Anonymous, laughter for aerobics.

Christie Ridgway said...

I cooked Thanksgiving dinner and ate plenty of stuffing and mashed potatoes that night (and later), unfortunately. Then I made Son 1's favorite dish when a bunch of his friends came over...fettucine alfredo. One kid asked me what kind of sauce I used. "The homemade kind," which is a stick of butter, 3/4 of a pint of heavy cream and romano and parmesan cheeses. Yeah, I've put on the pounds.

I've been good so far today, though!

Susan Kay Law said...

I give myself the actual day of holidays/parties off completely, and don't think about it. And then try to eat extra healthy all the rest of the time through the holidays.

The downside: if I can't give away leftovers, I have to pitch them, so as not to be tempted.

Luckily my family (there were only twelve people at dinner) eat pretty much the entire 8 pounds of with-real-butter-and-cream mashed potatoes.