Predicting the Future. Or not.

I ran into an unusual author, not long ago-- at my kid's awards assembly. Okay, it was an award's "ceremony." And my kid is 28 and a Ph.D. candidate. But I digress. The speaker for this august occasion was a robotics whiz-kid who looked about 13 and had a newly minted Ph.D. and a shirt that had never once been tucked into his pants. He was the author. His second book-- which he so graciously autographed after I forked over $14.00-- is "Where's My Jet Pack?: A Guide to the Amazing Science Fiction Future that Never Arrived."

I didn't mind paying the freight. . . because I've been wondering for years what happened to MY jet pack. And that "kitchen of the future" that I was promised back in the late 50's and early 60's. And the robot maid everyone was going to have to do house work. And the car that drove itself so we could play a quick hand of Cannasta on the way to the mall. And the ray gun. And the Universal Translator. And the X-Ray glasses. I was shocked to learn that some of these things actually do exist. . . the machine that can see through clothes, for example. Yes, it's real. And in use. And I can't tell you where because then I'd have to kill you.

The young genius/author seemed inordinately preoccupied with the "unisex jumpsuits" that were frequently predicted to be the clothing of choice for the developed world by the year 2000. Personally, I'm relieved we were spared that one, and you should be grateful, too. I have seen myself in Spandex.

But as I listened, I began to think about how much the old future looks very much like the current past. In other words. . . most things haven't changed as much as we expected them to: dishwashers are still dishwashers, refrigerators and stoves are still quite recognizable, and vacuum cleaners are still "Hoover" shaped. We still have automobiles with rubber tires and owner-operated steering wheels. And after nearly 60 years. . . you still have to be 16 to get a learner's permit. We still "go to the store" for food and still prepare it ourselves. . . unless we're eating out. Then we pay some other human to do the work. Movies are still shown on big screens in darkened theaters, accompanied by popcorn. . . even though we can now also watch them on little two inch screens we carry in our pockets.

But some of the things we least expected to change have changed like crazy! My Little Kitty cell phones for 7 year olds. "Smart clothes." Banking and bill paying online. "Chipped" pets. Videos-gone viral. . . and seen all over the world. Instantaneous MPH calculations in our cars. Rear video cameras that come on when cars are put into reverse. Self-parking cars. Caller ID. Individual DNA analysis that can hand you your entire DNA make-up on a two CD set. (Yes, there is that pesky little million dollar fee) Miniature TV cameras you swallow so they can check out your GI tract. Satellites that can read your license plates from 60 miles straight up. Antibiotics you take in only three days. . .

All of which led me to speculate on what kinds of changes we might expect fifty and a hundred years from now. Here are a few of MY predictions. . . some of which I freely admit are pure wishful thinking:

*Cell phones will shrink to ear-canal size and be entirely voice activated. We will all look like Jack Bauer on a mission. And there will be no earthly place to hide from a phone call, not even from your mother-in-law.
*Text messaging and e-mail will merge entirely. . . fed to a heads-up display on the insides of cool glasses everyone will wear. (Nobody will wear glasses to correct vision. . . that will all be done by 15 minutes of surgery.) All computer and eyeglass controls will be voice activated, so those gigantic thumbs our teenagers are developing from text-messaging will begin to shrink again.
*People over 50 will take to wearing unisex mumu's. . . to camouflage the gi-normous butts they have developed from never having to walk-- not even around their own houses.
*People will make and star in their own movies, which will become hideous, faux-artsy versions of the old "slides from our vacation". You'll be trapped in then trendy"viewing rooms" with Bubba Nextdoor. . . who has no concept of how to do a proper green screen layover and who hires stand-ins for his own kids because they're still in orthodontic headgear!
*Mortgages become so expensive many people just skip houses and opt to live in well equipped minivans. Some children's will grow up in a Caravan or a Toyota. . . never having slept in anything but a reclining bucket seat.
*Plastic Surgery will be required for anyone declared a "Public Ugly." Repeat offenders will be sentenced to punitive cosmetic procedures and forced to spend years as Paris Hilton look-alikes.
*Fat will be the new slim! By which time, I will be. . . too damned old to care.

What about you? What are your predictions for the future world? What would you LIKE to see come to fruition in the world of tomorrow? What would you love to have now that you don't have?