Thursday, October 19, 2006

CELL PHONES AND CELLULITE


This guy is an underwear model, has not an ounce of fat on his body, and therefore has nothing to do with this blog. I just wanted to get your attention.

On the other hand, I am getting pudgy. But I’m sure it’s not my fault. It’s technology. That’s right…cell phones are giving me cellulite. Okay, maybe they’re messing up my thinking apparatus too, but I believe you’ll agree that the really terrifying side effect of this wonderful, seemingly indispensable tool is the fat. And technology is causing it. Maybe it’s doing the same to you. Here’s a little quiz.

1. Twenty years ago when you had to call your family in for dinner, did you
A. Run down the basement, across the yard, into the garage, and up in the tree house to gather your beloved kinsmen, or
B. Sit down in front of a pile of sodium infused munchies to call each and every one of them on their cell phones which they kept on their person every waking minute of the day?

2. When you wanted to watch The Cosby Show instead of Miami Vice on the boob tube, did you
A. Actually get off your butt to change the channel, possibly inspiring you to jiggle about the house a bit, or
B. Point your magical remote in the vague direction of the screen while remaining in a prone position at all times.

3. In the evening when it was time for some light entertainment did you,
A. Challenge your brother/children/friends to a rousing game of foosball/ping pong/charades or
B. Spend hours playing free cell with a glucose loaded soft drink within easy reach lest you slip into a sugar-deprived coma?

The answer to all the of above is very probably A. But what about now? Have a bunch of B’s ambushed your life? If so, cell phones may be giving you cellulite too.
Don't get me wrong, it’s not as if I personally ran twenty miles to work every day back in the 80’s, but every once in a while I did manage to wobble down the stairs to talk to my kids. Now, however, after cell phones and video games, and remote control…well…waddling’s getting pretty difficult.

So what do you say? Let’s all vow to throw our phones out the window and scream, “I’m fat as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

No? Okay. How about we just take a ten minute constitutional after dinner every night. I mean really, you can walk and talk on the phone at the same time. Ingenious huh?

6 comments:

Betina Krahn said...

LOL! Lois, you genius you! You finally figured out the cause of one of the greatest plagues of womankind. It's all those pesky cell phones!

However, after seeing you at luch last Friday, I have to put in a disclaimer here to square us with the FCC or the FDA or the FIB. . . SHE'S NOT FAT, SHE'S TRIM AND GORGEOUS!!!

That said, I owe you a debt of gratitude for giving me the insight that will lead to a 20# weight loss in short order. No more using my cell to call Rex to dinner or wake him up from a nap on the couch.

;) Betina

lois greiman said...

Betina, I've noticed that most of the calls I make lately are to people I can actually see from my vantage point--out the window...down the next grocery aisle. Does that make me a bad person?

Oh, but thanks for the lies. And since readers can't see me hunched over the keyboard like a gelatinous sea monster, I'll graciously agree. I am trim and gorgeous. I am. I am. :)

scrapperjen said...

You got my attention!!!!!!!! Whoo - is it hot in here?????

I have to say, As were my answers - sorry - however - I would like to stick with the theory of cell phones giving me cellulite! It sounds good to me.

lois greiman said...

I used to blame everything on hormones. Such as...I'm too grouchy, crampy, bloaty to exercise. But now that I have a cell phone hormones are passe.

Kathleen Eagle said...

I have to secod Betina's observation vis-a-vis the lovely Lois. She's pretty much the female version of the male model she posted. I defy anyone to find a spot of fat on the woman. Mind you, I haven't seen her lounging on the pool deck topless. That cell phone might be grafted to her ear, but it becomes her, sort of like a piece of jewelry. Quite moderne.

Being technologically challenged has one or two advantages. I have a cell phone, but I use it so seldom it's either off or not charged. I can turn the TV on and off with the remote, but that's about it, and Lord help me if I pick up the wrong one and screw up the system (cable, dvd, vcr, stereo, tv, fireplace). Drives the males nuts.

But does this help my own particular cellulite problem? Heck, no. Maybe if I walked around a little more I wouldn't have to ride that silly bike that doesn't go anywhere. Man, what a crazy world.

lois greiman said...

Yikes! The thought of me lounging topless! I shudder to think. I'm hoping old age brings wisdom, cuz it's hell on the thighs. And some other parts. Actually, all parts. Even my ears are getting bigger. I mean it. My ears are actually getting larger. Does this make sense to anyone?