Who am I now?

There once was a time that my role in life was well known to me. Comfortable. Secure. I was a woman, wife, mother and romance writer. . . not necessarily in that order. Then my husband died, my two sons graduated, married, moved on, and --a few years later-- I found myself no longer a wife, no longer a day-to-day mom, and not the kind of writer I had been.

I confess, I floundered for a while and tried writing other things, most of which never saw mass-produced print because they weren't historical romance and weren't quite on the easy-to-sell list for other kinds of fiction and even non-fiction. Publishers hate it when you step outside the lines. And I began to question whether I even wanted to still write and publish.

Except, of course, I still had stories to tell. And finish. And sell. My problem wasn't a career problem, I discovered, it was an "inner self" problem.

It took a while, but I realized I was going through what many women of my age and generation are going through: role depletion. I had finished the primary woman-role of the first two stages of life (Virgin and Mother). . . and had no guide, no real direction for this prolonged, uncharted phase of my life. 30-40 years of life left. . . but what kind of life? At the risk of sounding adolescent. . . who am I now? What am I meant to be doing? Am I the Crone now?

Ewwwww. I don't want to be the crone!!!! Even the word repells me. It reminds me of the wicked witch in Snow White... with the wart on the long, droopy nose and extraneous hairs growing out of her chin. Stooped and ugly and jealous and mean. Yikes. Little wonder I refuse to embrace that as the third phase of my life. Be honest, who the heck aspires to "cronehood?"

Not surprising that I opted out of that taxonomy. But into what?

One step at a time, one experience at a time, I began to feel my way into a new life that had less boundaries and fewer absolutes. I began to lose my fears and to enjoy the here and now. And I was still confused and not especially productive in the way I thought I could be. If I only had something to strive for. . . um. . . a model, a light for the path, a concept for the way forward.

And two weeks ago, while recovering from surgery, I found one. I found THE one for me. And of course, it came from a wise and well-published woman that I respect: Clarissa Pinkola Estes. (Yes, the Women Who Run With Wolves woman.)

What I want to be when I grow up is. . . a Dangerous Old Woman.
Yes, I bought the program. And I've begun to listen and to be inspired. Honestly, just the promo for the program was enough to set me thinking and let me know there was spiritual gold here for me. How about this:

"No one is allowed to remain innocent for life. In the life of young tree, for example, there's a necessary "hardening off" of the heartwood that has to occur in the first years of the tree's life. The hardening off helps a young tree survive winters, draught, inhospitable environs. . . yet look how beautifuly a tree, like a woman's heart and soul, will thrive and leaf out and flower and throw down seeds year after year, forward. There's something about being assailed that relates to growing stronger and more wise. We can't remain only sweet and moist or only kind an vulnerable forever. Yet this hardening off does not make one hard. It opens a woman to standing in her own danger, to warming and protecting the persons, creatures and creative fires that are within her reach, that are most important to her soul. Because a woman has been tested by life as she's gathered more years, she learns to examine and to aim her life in her own chosen ways, ways that are life-giving and life-sparing to herself and others. Therein lies the ticket to ride all the way back to true home with The Dangerous Old Woman."

And this:
"The word 'dangerous' is innate to what is wise-- wise not being an accumulation of facts, but an inquiry into the heart of life, claiming what is stalwart, forcefully creative, and also squinty-eyed, that is, clear-seeing-- which may be the most dangerous trait of all-- seeing ahead to regard, help, and protect those matters of soul life that cannot be allowed to perish from this earth."

And finally, this:
"As a representation of the Great Mother, the Dangerous Old Woman is also la refugia, the refuge, and as such she carries both the dark and light aspects of creating--and uncreating-- at will. She shelters through her insights and intuitions about ways to effective guard new life and the creative fire."

The Dangerous Old Woman is full of language that intrigues and amazes me. It makes me think of myself as laden and ripe with possibilities and filled with gifts for others. When I look at myself today, I see good things-- capabilities, knowledge, intuition, hard-won life lessons, and lots of possibilities. And the cool thing is, I've just begun and already I can feel parts of my inner self stretching and preparing. . . for what exactly, I'm not sure.

I feel like I'm ready to embrace life and the "danger" in me-- the capability, the wisdom, the decisiveness, the truth-speaking in me. And I realize I want to be that great, strong, well-tested tree under which my children and grandchildren and my friends and sisters and family all find shelter and support and encouragement. I want to understand the power of this phase of my life and I want to use it in constructive, creative ways. And I want to share this enthusiasm with the wonderful women who write this blog and with those of you who follow regularly or even just dip your toes in occasionally.

And my writer mind is suddenly going nuts with ideas and new directions and possible projects. Just reading the sales piece for The Dangerous Old Woman and listening to 30 minutes of the first CD did this to me. . . imagine what 7 1/2 hours of listening will do!

What about you? What do you think of the idea of becoming a "dangerous" old woman? Have any appeal for you? What phase of life are you in? How does it fit you well? What resources/books/ideas have helped you set a direction for your life?

You're not in Kansas ...

I've been toying with the idea of putting together a writer's workshop focusing on how sense of place can add depth to stories. Mostly because I can't think of anything else I'm aware of that I purposefully do when I'm crafting a story.

So how do we add a sense of place? Every writer probably thinks of this process differently. Some may not think of it at all. They just do it without realizing it. I think I add place by purposefully employing all five of our senses.

Sight

This includes general things like describing the architecture of the town or city. The flora and fauna and terrain are most likely unique to the story's setting. How sight can add a sense of place can be as simple as identifying the color of the walls in the heroine's bedroom.

Sound

Traffic, wildlife, weather. What kind of music is playing on the radio? Hotels, private homes and apartments all have different sounds that help a reader put him or herself into a story.

Smell

They say smell is the strongest sense for triggering memories. It's also critical to creating a sense of where we are in a story. Cooking smells, pollution or lack thereof, the scent of flowers and trees. Are we by the ocean or in a forest of evergreens? Nothing can take me to a place quicker than this sense.

Touch

This one's a little tough to nail down, but I the weather plays such a huge role in feeling where we are. What season is it? Is it hot, humid, cool, windy? Identifying textures can help, as well. Is the hotel expensive with luxuriously soft bedding or is it a dive with rough towels?

Taste

Cooking again, plays such a huge role in place. I love including foods that are unique to the area I'm writing about. It's easy to employ this tactic when your story takes place in a foreign country, but even on my little Mirabelle Island, set smack dab in the middle of the U.S., food plays a part in developing sense of place. Historically, that area was settled by French fur traders, so the oldest inn on the island serves French food.


I know all this sounds elementary, but I put a lot of effort and research into creating a sense of place in my stories. I tour facilities, like this Dallas track for my NASCAR books. I read about restaurants and traditional foods, track weather reports, and even get on Google Earth to see if I can find actual pictures of the streets I'm writing about.

As a writer, I think sense of place is critical to creating a well-rounded, layered story. Place becomes a character. But as a reader, there are times when I get overwhelmed by too much detail. I find myself skimming over paragraphs or flipping pages to get to the good stuff.

So how much is too much?

As a reader, how important is sense of place is for you? Do you like a lot, a little, or something in between? What's your favorite way to get pulled into the place in a book?

As a writer, do you think about sense of place in your stories? What's the single most important thing you do to create place in your books?

Helen

Winner!

cait045, you've won the copy of ANGEL SLAYER! Please send me your snailmail address to toastfaery@gmail.com Congrats!

Winner!!

PoKoKat, please contact me for your free copy of An Accidental Seduction! lgreiman@earthlink.net

Thanks for the great comments, everyone.

Sin Eating and Psychopompery

Ooh, I like that word: psychopompery.  I think I just made it up.  Maybe?

Anyway, I'm pretty darn excited about this newest anthology, THE MAMMOTH BOOK OF PARANORMAL ROMANCE 2.  Whew!  That title is a mouthful.  It's an anthology of 24 short stories.  I've been a fan of the Mammoth Books for a while, and longingly desired to be a part of one, so when the editor, Trisha Telep emailed me about being in one of them, I jumped.

I used to think I'd never write short stories, and then I started doing some Nocturne Bites, which clock in around 10K words, and found it was kinda fun, and a little freeing, to work in that short format.  Now in the Mammoth Book, I think I ended with about 8K words in my story.  Normally, that would be a single scene for me in my single title books.  Heh.  But I admit, I love the short format.


My story in this book is "The Sin Eater's Promise", and I've had the sin eater character (Desdenova Fleetwood) in my brain for years, and just hadn't found the right story for her until now.  Sin eaters fascinate me.  They are sort of religious magicians.  Through the process of consuming food or drink, they can 'eat' the sins of the deceased or dying.  The process I find most interesting is where the sin eater places a piece of white bread upon the chest of the deceased (we can hope, on a plate), sprinkles a little salt on it, then eats the bread.  Voila!  Sins are gone through some magical process we can only believe in fiction and fairy-tales.  Yet, sin eaters actually exist.  They were actually excommunicated by the Catholic Church.  I won't go into a lengthy description, but you can click over to Wikipedia to learn more.  One of the questions I explore in the story is: If you had the power to take away sin, would you have a right to take away that sin?

It sounds like a heavy story, but it's actually a sweet romance, pairing my sin eater heroine with a soul bringer (aka psychopomp; the dude who carries souls either to Heaven or Hell).  And heck, there's 24 authors in all in this anthology, so I can't wait to read it myself!

Here's a blurb: Sin eater, Desdenova Fleetwood dreamed of falling in love—but knew it could never happen to her. When the mysterious soul bringer, Blackthorn Regis, demands she give up her livelihood, the two question their very reason for living—and loving.


To celebrate the release of this anthology, I'll give away a copy of ANGEL SLAYER (where the soul bringer hero, Blackthorn Regis, first appeared), to one commenter!


Michele