tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post249827723578996543..comments2024-03-17T02:20:03.772-05:00Comments on Riding With The Top Down: Debra - Pitch this...Kathleen Eaglehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13561028604927993773noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-16611905473659126222008-08-22T14:30:00.000-05:002008-08-22T14:30:00.000-05:00Thanks for playing everyone!I finally had to take ...Thanks for playing everyone!<BR/><BR/>I finally had to take a break from the computer yesterday and get some "real" world work done.<BR/><BR/>If you pitched after Pitch Practice closed, I'm sorry!<BR/><BR/>We might do this again in the future.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-27177756590088834972008-08-21T20:24:00.000-05:002008-08-21T20:24:00.000-05:00Hi Deb! Thanks for the feedback on my previous pit...Hi Deb! Thanks for the feedback on my previous pitch. Here's one for the one I am currently trying to sell:<BR/><BR/>Lighting fried laptops? Weird voices in her head? A strange man claiming she’s a faerie princess? Yeah right! Time to call a therapist!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-62814607134095556632008-08-21T19:45:00.000-05:002008-08-21T19:45:00.000-05:00Wow, what fun! Too bad I was tied up all day wait...Wow, what fun! Too bad I was tied up all day waiting for a repairman who never showed up. They sent him to the wrong address -- in a neighboring state. Needless to say, my afternoon was filled with irate phone calls and I can't get my satellite TV problem fixed til next Tuesday. Sheesh! Talk about incompetence.<BR/><BR/>MarilynPlayground Monitorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07444337591281145863noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-46133487568859778072008-08-21T18:50:00.000-05:002008-08-21T18:50:00.000-05:00Here goes:Romantic SuspenseA retired computer hack...Here goes:<BR/><BR/>Romantic Suspense<BR/><BR/>A retired computer hacker has to solve her fiancée’s murder to ensure her personal safety while questioning her attraction to the possible murderer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-87040167410411459072008-08-21T17:56:00.000-05:002008-08-21T17:56:00.000-05:00Thanks, Deb! Just call me "Chin-Lifts-R-Us" or me....Thanks, Deb! Just call me "Chin-Lifts-R-Us" or me.<BR/><BR/>You looked pretty great yourself. <BR/><BR/>Like everyone else here, that 25 word count was the bugger! The women aren't under the same roof. They never even meet each other, until the end, though they "know" each other via the housekeeper through whose eyes they find the anecdotal material necessary to to 'heal"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-52680552198798164872008-08-21T17:14:00.000-05:002008-08-21T17:14:00.000-05:00He must destroy the devil’s spawn in order to save...He must destroy the devil’s spawn in order to save his own son, but can he free an angel chained by societal strictures?Reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10661396654827059313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-17491311633883236362008-08-21T17:08:00.000-05:002008-08-21T17:08:00.000-05:00Thanks for your comments! They are a big help!Thanks for your comments! They are a big help!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-76048404595416834592008-08-21T17:03:00.000-05:002008-08-21T17:03:00.000-05:00Ok I'll toss my two cents in....Anthropologist Pil...Ok I'll toss my two cents in....<BR/><BR/>Anthropologist Pilar Reilly wakes up on a different world in a different body. Things get worse from there.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-38900505606528116352008-08-21T17:00:00.000-05:002008-08-21T17:00:00.000-05:00If I said this was my 2nd try I'd be lying since t...If I said this was my 2nd try I'd be lying since this is #9. What I'd like to know am I moving in the right direction or totally off mark. This is for the border warden one.<BR/><BR/>She shot him in the arse, then offered to be his mistress. Now those he’s bound to protect with his life are losing their lives.<BR/><BR/>ReneeReneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10661396654827059313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-15166822461464106062008-08-21T16:55:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:55:00.000-05:00Cindy--Okay. That works. A little long. (g)We'v...Cindy--<BR/><BR/>Okay. That works. A little long. (g)<BR/><BR/>We've got plot, world and character.<BR/><BR/>These pitches are just a nice snapshot, a handle of what's going on and I think you did that.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-25080352324204786782008-08-21T16:54:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:54:00.000-05:00Margay–“She won’t let anything stop her.” That’s ...Margay–<BR/><BR/>“She won’t let anything stop her.” That’s a given for a book protagonist. You can find words that work harder for your book and give more to the editor/agent. So, I’d cut that. Also “handsome” is the default. There’s another word you can reclaim.<BR/><BR/>I’d beef up world and character with those extra words. Will she have to swallow her pride? Is he trying to stop her or does she need his help? Can you give us a hint of setting? Example: ...spurs Silvie to find her own brand of Southern justice.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-9225192675139430662008-08-21T16:53:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:53:00.000-05:00Okay, I'll give it a shot.Romantic SuspenseWhen an...Okay, I'll give it a shot.<BR/><BR/>Romantic Suspense<BR/><BR/>When an informant turns up dead a by the book undercover cop finds himself modeling a new line of men’s boxers to uncover the killer and stop a DVD pirating ring.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-12010602829662112252008-08-21T16:44:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:44:00.000-05:00Laura--Don't bury your lead!"Hayleigh must commit ...Laura--<BR/><BR/>Don't bury your lead!<BR/><BR/>"Hayleigh must commit murder..."<BR/><BR/>Rearrange a bit. I think you've got it all. As always consider if you need a proper name or can substitute something that delivers character better.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-4589956962424810802008-08-21T16:42:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:42:00.000-05:00Laramie--That's a great query sentence but I think...Laramie--<BR/><BR/>That's a great query sentence but I think I like # 2 better as a spoken pitch. Some things read better in the head than they sound in the ear.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-5559044373650779932008-08-21T16:40:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:40:00.000-05:00Connie--Your pitch actually gave me fits because I...Connie--<BR/><BR/>Your pitch actually gave me fits because I couldn't put my finger on what I would change. <BR/><BR/>Then I realized for this pitch, the theme is missing. Need is just too general. This is not necessarily a book with a plot arrow driving straight down the middle.<BR/><BR/>Plus I thought you could to give us a better handle on the three woman as flavor for the plot. As an example...<BR/><BR/>Three generations of women under one roof hire a stray on the run from a dangerous ex-husband, never expecting their new housekeeper will teach them how to be a family.<BR/><BR/>I went a few words over. So sue me. (g)<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure I would try and crunch it down. You're trying to pitch a multi-protagonist book. (Yes?) So you get a pass for some extra words.<BR/><BR/>25 is the goal, not the Holy Grail. Sometimes we stop a little short of the goal and call it a good day.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-8427850802163328072008-08-21T16:27:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:27:00.000-05:00Third time the charm?Being wooed by a sexy djinni ...Third time the charm?<BR/><BR/>Being wooed by a sexy djinni and saving the world from demons weren’t in Amelia Swenson’s plans for the weekend, but plans change.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-60131224210058876682008-08-21T16:17:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:17:00.000-05:00I am soooo trying and this is sooooo hard. Thank y...I am soooo trying and this is sooooo hard. Thank you for the input, now I can chomp at the bit for a few days trying to hash out something fantabulously grand. <BR/><BR/>I really don't want to bore an agent to tears. Thank you so very much, again.<BR/><BR/>ReneeReneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10661396654827059313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-32107115350200788132008-08-21T16:16:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:16:00.000-05:00CONNIE!!!!!!!!Hi! You looked GORGEOUS as the lunc...CONNIE!!!!!!!!<BR/><BR/>Hi! You looked GORGEOUS as the luncheon speaker at RWA National. Gorgeous. And I’m cracking up that you’re playing pitch with us. :) I’ll do that next post but I had to stop and say hi first.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-35864126162619361052008-08-21T16:08:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:08:00.000-05:00Laramiee--::clap:: ::clap::We cross posted. You'...Laramiee--<BR/><BR/>::clap:: ::clap::<BR/><BR/>We cross posted. You're definitely getting why that first try wasn't working hard enough for you.<BR/><BR/>2nd try is miles ahead of the first.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-79182896873795072602008-08-21T16:07:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:07:00.000-05:00Laramiee–Lead with that dijinni! Dijinni turning ...Laramiee–<BR/><BR/>Lead with that dijinni! Dijinni turning worlds upside down is fun. It sets the tone for the book (I’m assuming.) “A lonely dijinni turns the world of a cautious woman upside down when they must...SOMETHING NOT GENERIC.”<BR/><BR/>“Save the world” is generic. Use those words to support your characters with plot action that makes the editor think, “Oh, these characters are going to be in for a hard time! What fun.”Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-39838008649586143992008-08-21T16:02:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:02:00.000-05:00Renee--You need to consider all of that informatio...Renee--<BR/><BR/>You need to consider all of that information and integrate it into your pitch.<BR/><BR/>Remember this is your first salvo. You'll get another sentence usually but don't save your ammunition. Take control of the battle for the bored editor's attention right in the opening moments.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-63683164411338374462008-08-21T16:00:00.001-05:002008-08-21T16:00:00.001-05:00Just reading your comments to others has prompted ...Just reading your comments to others has prompted this rewrite:<BR/><BR/>Amelia isn’t looking for change when a sexy djinni falls for her, but her life becomes one extreme makeover – even as an ancient evil stirs.<BR/><BR/>- Laramie SassevilleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-14698077238035357822008-08-21T16:00:00.000-05:002008-08-21T16:00:00.000-05:00Barbara--That 25 words is killing everyone.Okay, t...Barbara--<BR/><BR/>That 25 words is killing everyone.<BR/><BR/>Okay, the pitch is concise, understandable and gives an editor some jumping off points, but I think it's a little light on world.<BR/><BR/>Cut "...the attention of..." because that's implied by the verb "courts." Now you've got 3 more words to add texture.<BR/><BR/>Right now the pitch is okay, but not vivid. Move toward vivid and bring the world/characters alive.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-53540588981180249572008-08-21T15:48:00.000-05:002008-08-21T15:48:00.000-05:00Renee–We’ll assume that a buyer of historical fict...Renee–<BR/><BR/>We’ll assume that a buyer of historical fiction will immediately understand why a warrior is not suited to be a border warden. At least I’m assuming that’s the reason for mentioning the character’s “job” transition. If there ISN’T an inherently funny or difficult situation for the warrior in being the border warden, then pick the one that’s most important.<BR/><BR/>We’ve got character. We’ve got world. I think you’re missing plot. Isn’t there more going on in the book than just boy-meets-girl? I’m betting there is. And if you’re pitching to a romance editor the romance is a given so pull out more of the layers of your plot in this pitch.<BR/><BR/>But excellent try! We have to practice these things. People who don’t write our books are often better at pitching it because they don’t get caught up in the things we writers do.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-5881409220510345822008-08-21T15:45:00.000-05:002008-08-21T15:45:00.000-05:00An attempted kidnapping on her niece spurs Silvie ...An attempted kidnapping on her niece spurs Silvie to find justice. She won't let anything stop her - not even the handsome detective from her past.Margay Leah Justicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490126898758440254noreply@blogger.com