tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post2302757535827042143..comments2024-03-17T02:20:03.772-05:00Comments on Riding With The Top Down: Valentines Day. . . a new approach. . .Kathleen Eaglehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13561028604927993773noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-52254564192929402522009-01-18T02:09:00.000-06:002009-01-18T02:09:00.000-06:00The whole concept of everyone in a house doing the...The whole concept of everyone in a house doing their own laundry sort of leaves me a bit stunned! As an Australian all I can think of is "how much water are they using?". We've had water problems here for years and we'd never think of doing our own little loads of washing, everything is combined to ensure the biggest load possible (using as little water as possible).Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-33012401417421549482009-01-13T19:31:00.000-06:002009-01-13T19:31:00.000-06:00Guilty, guilty, guilty (sigh). I married an only c...Guilty, guilty, guilty (sigh). I married an only child and my father was an only child so... What part I hate the most though is my husband does things or trys to get away with things just like a little kid tries to hide the truth from his his mom. After 40 years of marriage I've given up trying to change anything.catsladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06375770995988927860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-76443680918927369652009-01-13T17:13:00.000-06:002009-01-13T17:13:00.000-06:00Interesting... I confess to a huge lack in the dom...Interesting... I confess to a huge lack in the domestic skills department, so I guess I'm not much of a mom in that sense. So far my husband and I have avoided calling each other mom and dad except when referring to each other when talking to the kids--I know some people call each other "Mom" and "Dad" all the time! Ack! I don't think my husband expects me to mother him, thankfully, but we can all use a little unmommying come Valentine's!Fedorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10879033776125666713noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-70113462735695223682009-01-13T16:59:00.000-06:002009-01-13T16:59:00.000-06:00LOL, thanks, Betina. By the time I get normal, I t...LOL, thanks, Betina. By the time I get normal, I think I would be qualified (and have the material!) to write one of those motivational/inspirational book thingy's. Would that be a memoir? :O)keriKeri Fordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03342480359177235075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-30416047176797599652009-01-13T16:42:00.000-06:002009-01-13T16:42:00.000-06:00Okay everybody-- Keri nees some love and good wish...Okay everybody-- Keri nees some love and good wishes sent her direction! Keri, consider yourself awash in concern and support for the next two weeks!Betina Krahnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11379124690406269848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-56891670621203636112009-01-13T16:04:00.000-06:002009-01-13T16:04:00.000-06:00Hm. Good question, Betina. But no, I don't think i...Hm. Good question, Betina. But no, I don't think it has anything to do with my unsaid age :O) and everything to do with my husband.<BR/><BR/>I love the idea of the 50s housewife and would love to be her. I just don't have the energy. And the hubby is easy to feed. He doesn't have a wide food vartiey, so big lavish meals aren't required (though with the kid, the dinner options are expanding)<BR/><BR/>Also, hubby is particular about his clothes. Everytime I tell him I bought him jeans, he cringes (he knows they're in the style *I* like and not the ones he likes).<BR/><BR/>He washes his own hunting clothes because he knows I won't do them on purpose. :O)<BR/><BR/>When we first got married, I worked hard early-morning hours. We found a system that worked. After the baby, I stayed at home and picked up more of the household duties. Then my medical problems started multipling on me and we dropped back into a system of where the housework is back to being split.<BR/><BR/>2 weeks more to go and I get to start some new medicine and we are praying I'll 'bounce' back. Him probably praying more than me so I'll do things like dust and pick up :O)Keri Fordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03342480359177235075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-54789083823999218412009-01-13T15:19:00.000-06:002009-01-13T15:19:00.000-06:00Keri, I hear you. Hey, do you think that the fact...Keri, I hear you. Hey, do you think that the fact that you're--ahem--a bit younger than some of us means you have a different take on this><BR/><BR/>Flip, your MIL sounds like quite a lady. And I'm with you on the housework thing-- I'm an adult, so I do it. Interestingly, as I get older I get neater. And it was really important that my boys learn to do their own laundry and dishes and learn to cook a few basic things. Now one of my sons does all the laundry and most of the cooking in his household and the other son matches his wife load for load and meal for meal. I think I may have gotten something right. Honestly, I agree with other comments here-- it may be easier to get it right with sons than it is with husbands.Betina Krahnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11379124690406269848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-44237044920957798332009-01-13T12:36:00.000-06:002009-01-13T12:36:00.000-06:00I am so not like my mother in law. I love her. She...I am so not like my mother in law. I love her. She is the quintessential 50s housewife. Due to circumstances, she started working when my husband was in his teens. Despite the fact that she is working at 80 years, she cleans the houses, cooks delicious meals, and does the laundry. Her job is private babysitter for wealthy couples. She is the most nurturing woman in the world. <BR/><BR/>I loathe housework. I do it, because I am an adult. My husband and I share housework and cooking chores. (he is the better cook.) I am loving and supportive parent. However, part of my job as a parent is to teach my children to be self reliant adults. So as they become older, I am less of a mommy and more of a mom to my own children. I am definitely not mommying my husband.fliphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16778574048526674171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-43896243573693799782009-01-13T11:40:00.000-06:002009-01-13T11:40:00.000-06:00Duties are pretty well split at our house. I'll bu...Duties are pretty well split at our house. I'll buy the socks and underwear, but I've been instructed on what brand and so forth. I don't mind since he works and I don't.<BR/><BR/>Laundry duties are shared. I wash and dry, for the most part. After that, he takes the hangers, and I do the folders. <BR/><BR/>He bathes the kid, I bathe the dishes. I think we're square. :O)Keri Fordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03342480359177235075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-72476185215240031802009-01-13T10:38:00.000-06:002009-01-13T10:38:00.000-06:00Back at'cha, Betina. I love you too.I never met C...Back at'cha, Betina. I love you too.<BR/><BR/>I never met Clyde's mom. She died when he was about 17 after giving birth to 13 babies. Like most Indian kids in those days, Clyde spent a lot of time in boarding schools. He's pretty self-sufficient. He won't let me add his laundry to mine because I've let one too many red socks ruin the whites. He lets me help clean the house as long as I don't clutter his space with my stuff. I generally cook, but if he cooks, I clean. Managing money has always been our bugaboo. Neither of us is good at it. We've yet to put a good system in place, even though we both know what it would be. Divide and conquer, as Deb says. But we've never come up with a lasting division in that area, so we've never conquered, much to our detriment. <BR/><BR/> Deb, my mother was a Southerner, too. I'll never forget the first time she visited, observed for a couple of days, say my husband change diapers and do dishes and finally told me that she just wouldn't be comfortable with such an arrangement. "I still believe a man's home is is castle," she said.<BR/><BR/>The TV series "Man Men" is a great companion piece to this topic. Start with Season 1 on dvd if you haven't given it a try yet. I'm serious. If for no reason other than Jon Hamm.Kathleen Eaglehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13561028604927993773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-90774962783823587232009-01-13T10:02:00.000-06:002009-01-13T10:02:00.000-06:00Kathy, I LOVE you! You're such fun! Yes, I think...Kathy, I LOVE you! You're such fun! Yes, I think that makes you your own aunt. . . once removed or something. You'll have me chuckling all day!Betina Krahnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11379124690406269848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-4575748396633145162009-01-13T10:00:00.000-06:002009-01-13T10:00:00.000-06:00GunDiva, you're most welcome! Jeez, I didn't meant...GunDiva, you're most welcome! Jeez, I didn't meant to stir up trouble. ::wink,wink::<BR/><BR/>Or did I?<BR/><BR/>:) BetinaBetina Krahnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11379124690406269848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-30234080002786276082009-01-13T09:55:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:55:00.000-06:00Oops. I didn't mean to shout the "deemed necessar...Oops. I didn't mean to shout the "deemed necessary" part. Was that a Freudian slip?Kathleen Eaglehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13561028604927993773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-60999745239037968962009-01-13T09:54:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:54:00.000-06:00Thanks a lot, Betina. Ever since I read MY MOTHER...Thanks a lot, Betina. Ever since I read MY MOTHER, MYSELF and OH LORD, I SOUND JUST LIKE MAMA I've had the sinking feeling that I would never successfully complete the separation DEEMED NECESSARY BY THE FORMER and eventually the latter would become absolute reality.<BR/><BR/>With this morning's post comes worse anxiety. If Mama mommied Daddy, then I become hot only his daughter, but also his granddaughter. So...wait, I have to make a chart here...Does this make me my own aunt?<BR/><BR/>Now I'm really depressed.Kathleen Eaglehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13561028604927993773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-16771475178881270532009-01-13T09:49:00.001-06:002009-01-13T09:49:00.001-06:00OMG! I'm becoming my honey's Mom and we're not ev...OMG! I'm becoming my honey's Mom and we're not even married yet! Just this morning I picked his dirty boxers up off the bathroom floor because he just left them there and I knew it would gross out the kids. I've been doing his laundry when I do mine for the last couple of months and - eek - even mentioned to him that he needed a haircut. Yikes! Thanks for the eye opener...I do do more for him than I do for my kids (they've been doing their own laundry since the were eight). I don't mind it, but I really don't want to become his Mommy either. Especially since his Mommy did literally everything for him, and continues to do it for his siblings (he's got a 32 yo brother living at home, not working, not doing anything, because Mommy still does it ALL).<BR/><BR/>Wow. While I still intend to do his laundry, I'll definitely be more aware of everything else. I want to be his WIFE, not his MOM!<BR/><BR/>Thanks, Betina!GunDivahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02965363044411500380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-1161009114815243842009-01-13T09:49:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:49:00.000-06:00Kylie, yours sounds like a match made in Heaven! A...Kylie, yours sounds like a match made in Heaven! A pretty grown-up distribution of roles and responsibilities.<BR/><BR/>Deb, I am "catered to" these days, when I'm on deadline. I feel guilty about that once in a while. But then he gets sick and the roles are majorly reversed and the guilt evaporates.<BR/><BR/>Anonymous, my sympathies. My sister's mother-in-law was a martyr deluxe. She's had to deal with the spoiled son for 40+ years. I think I took lessons from that. My DH and sig. other have been quite the opposite.<BR/><BR/>Michele, I so relate to the credit card thing. And you're right-- when they pay without you having to think about it, you feel treated. . . like you're on a date.<BR/><BR/>And Helen, I included that bit at the bottom just because I saw the potential for the weight of just one more expectation being laid on women. Still, there's no getting around the fact that women are usually the ones who pay attention to the flow of relationships and sometimes have to apply the brakes and reposition things to get back on course.Betina Krahnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11379124690406269848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-86390644895605258392009-01-13T09:42:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:42:00.000-06:00I'll just ditto Deb Dixon's reply. My hubs does as...I'll just ditto Deb Dixon's reply. My hubs does as much for me as I do for him. <BR/><BR/>Unless he's sick, then all bets are offAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-40294809646870461022009-01-13T09:32:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:32:00.000-06:00This is interesting, Betina, and I could write my ...This is interesting, Betina, and I could write my own blog on the topic. While I totally get that a "mom" role can take the romance out of a relationship, honestly, what the article is describing feels like one more expectation women have to meet.<BR/><BR/>I think you're lucky in a marriage if you've come to either an unconscious or much discussed agreement about who's going to do what. So if it ain't broken don't fix it!<BR/><BR/>I wish guys spent as much time and energy thinking about and wanting to improve our relationships as women!!Helen Brennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08680081195181747377noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-90327920733036970022009-01-13T09:31:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:31:00.000-06:00I love this post, Betina. Just last night the hub...I love this post, Betina. Just last night the hubby and I ate out, and when the bill came he slid it toward me. I said "You have a credit card." He's like, "Yeah, but you always pay." So I made him mine for that crusty old card because sometimes I need to feel like it's a date and not a duty. :-)<BR/><BR/>I don't mother him too much. I wash his clothes, but if he wants the dried, folded clothes, he has to go and get the pile himself, and put his own clothes away. (Usually happens when he runs out of underwear.)<BR/><BR/>I've trained him to rinse his own dishes after we eat and put them in the dishwasher. He even does mine sometimes.<BR/><BR/>He knows I don't touch the garbage, that's his job to do, even if it's spilling over. <BR/><BR/>BUt I do buy clothes for him once in a while, because it's something I'd like to see him in (or it's on clearance and I must grab it then!). I also will once in a while make his lunch for him to take to work (rarely) because I want to know I do love him and he does need to be taken care of. He's my guy, he deserves it.Michele Haufhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12255612473985897103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-26686727808709940182009-01-13T09:13:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:13:00.000-06:00Betina you always come up with such fascinating to...Betina you always come up with such fascinating topics and they always make me think<BR/>We share the duties around here and it's great. i do some of his shopping but for the most part he does his own. I get the bulk of the groceries but he makes all the little runs to the store for the milk and bread and things. He pretty much takes care of everything outside (I think it has something to do with the time I drove the riding mower into the corner of the house) and I take care of the inside, however, he's been known to run the vacuum, fold clothes and cook. <BR/>It guess I'd call it more of a partnership than a mommy/daddy role.Cindy Gerardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13311224531297908704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-73371064069422805782009-01-13T09:11:00.000-06:002009-01-13T09:11:00.000-06:00My husband was raised by a martyr and while he doe...My husband was raised by a martyr and while he does buy his own clothes, make his own haircut and doctor appointments, pay the bills and handle the yardwork, he still leaves socks on the floor, walks away from a mess in the bathroom every day and expects a hot meal on the table three times every day. In fairness, I don't work outside the home, so I don't think it's unreasonable for me to do the grocery shopping, do the laundry and ironing and cook, but he only gets a hot meal in the evening. When I worked, all the household chores were divided between us and the kids, but part of the deal when I quit was I took back most of them. I still feel like his mother though. Yesterday he dyed his beard and ruined a towel. It isn't the first time and I so want to ground him for the rest of his life. LOL! I play the mother role but I don't have the mother privileges. And after three decades of married life and finally having the kids grown and out, I definitely don't feel much like the lover anymore. Heck, I sleep in the guest room most nights because his snoring keeps me awake. I guess "Mama" could make him an appointment with a ENT specialist, and while I'm at it, I could make one with a hearing specialist to address the fact he has to turn the TV too loud so he can hear it.<BR/><BR/>Interestingly, I always did less for my boys than I did for my husband because I didn't want them to grow up like him. <BR/><BR/>Interesting blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-84231823465982324142009-01-13T08:58:00.000-06:002009-01-13T08:58:00.000-06:00We've always had a "divide and conquer" plan aroun...We've always had a "divide and conquer" plan around here. He babies me much more than I baby him.<BR/><BR/>I do pay the bills, but only because 2 years of letting him do it drove me up a wall.<BR/><BR/>I am his "mentor" for health issues. I mostly advise him that if he doesn't make the doctor's appointment I'm going to kill him.<BR/><BR/>But I don't cook, clean, laundry or shop for him.<BR/><BR/>I'm from the South. My mother despairs of me.Debra Dixonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03992776098849029414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-62517273278628047062009-01-13T08:48:00.000-06:002009-01-13T08:48:00.000-06:00Kylie -- I am so with you on the underwear and soc...Kylie -- I am so with you on the underwear and socks thing. <BR/><BR/>In fact, once my son is old enough, he's going to learn to go to the store and buy his own underwear and socks, just the way his dad had to learn!<BR/><BR/>MAuthorMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06341063492619003784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-67031460081935298772009-01-13T08:34:00.000-06:002009-01-13T08:34:00.000-06:00Nope, not me, LOL. And I think my husband would b...Nope, not me, LOL. And I think my husband would be the first to point out that I'm nothing like his mom, who he always compares to Marie on Everybody Loves Raymond.<BR/><BR/>Maybe with five kids (and a dozen more on any given day because our house was *the* house where everybody gathered) I just didn't have enough of a nurturing gene left to offer to him too.<BR/><BR/>I did the cooking, although he filled in whenever needed and now that the kids are gone he makes his own dinner because I sort of...stopped, LOL. He's always been the type to like to shop, so he buys his clothes, helps with grocery shopping (we often went together because it took at least two carts). As a matter of fact, since I hate shopping he often buys clothes for me when he's out. <BR/><BR/>He has a fetish about the laundry in that he *can't leave it alone* which was helpful when we had two in diapers but became a problem when he turned much of my daughter's wardrobe into Barbie clothes. As much as we begged him, he just can't stay away from it.<BR/><BR/>I do pay the bills, but rarely have cash so he's still the one to pay for things when we're out. But he's just the type of guy who has always pitched in so our division of labor thing works pretty well.<BR/><BR/>I can see the point of the article, but I think it has more to do with the woman's personality and I guess I'm just not that woman, LOL!<BR/><BR/>AuthorM brings up a good point about stepping back when your kids grow up. Two of my sons recently got married and I was informed at Thanksgiving by the spouses that it was creepy that I was buying underwear and socks for them for their Christmas stockings. That was a shocker for me, because hey I'm the mom! I always bought their underwear.<BR/><BR/>Then it occurred to me that if my mother in law bought underwear for my dh I'd be creeped out too, LOL. So the new rule is no new underwear for sons once they get married.<BR/><BR/>Their wives have to buy it!Kyliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10805120485089703666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27662400.post-30085993104895766192009-01-13T06:59:00.000-06:002009-01-13T06:59:00.000-06:00LOL, Betina, not your fault. I think it was hurtin...LOL, Betina, not your fault. I think it was hurting anyway.<BR/><BR/>But yes, I think it is important to keep track of relationships -- even parent/child relationships. As your kids grow, too, even though you're still MOM you can step back and let them become adults, you know? So maybe they don't expect their spouses to be their parents, too...LOL!<BR/><BR/>MAuthorMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06341063492619003784noreply@blogger.com